Chapter 20 - Voglio Ballare Per Te Amore 

 

      Starkey noted with a touch of irritation that Jukes wasn’t at breakfast, so once he’d choked down his own lukewarm gruel he quickly made his way to the gunner’s workshop.  The gentleman pirate had no doubt the boy was still there given that Billy hadn’t slept in his hammock last night.  He’d better be finishing my new sword, the man thought sourly.  The door to the workroom was still standing wide open, and through the portal Starkey could see the young pirate was sitting at a small table, working.   The lad works too much… he’s going to put himself in an early grave if he doesn’t learn moderation.  All the men liked Jukes; he’d earned their respect with his sharp mind, hard work ethic, and his ability to stay out of the way.  Hook himself held a grudging respect and tolerance for the boy, and considering how much he hated children, that was saying quite a lot about Billy Jukes.

      Starkey knocked on the door frame, watching the boy bent over the table.  Billy raised his hand distractedly, gesturing for him to enter without bothering to look up.  Starkey shook his head in mild annoyance.  He always resented having to ask permission from a mere boy to enter this cabin.  As much as he liked Jukes, he still felt that giving a young lad a distinction like that would swell the boy’s head and cause him to put on airs.  Only someone of rank like Captain Hook or a maiden like Lady Pan had the right to their own personal spaces on the ship.  Mason and Cookson both had special skills, and neither of them got the same consideration as Jukes.  But then again, Starkey remembered being on the receiving end of one of Jukes’s tirades when he’d interrupted the boy’s work, and he remembered that sometimes it was prudent to give ground to maintain peace.  Hook himself had ceded this area to the boy, and Starkey wasn’t about to gainsay the man.

      “Is my rapier quite done yet, Mr. Jukes?  I’m fed up with this crude lump of rust,” he rattled the cutlass at his side in disgust.  Really, it was demeaning to be reduced to a common buccaneer’s sword, but he didn’t regret losing his old one.  It had been destroyed in the name of chivalry, a valiant and noble blade in the end.  It didn’t matter if the girl was Peter Pan or the Queen of England, he wasn’t going to stand there and allow that overbearing fairy harm a defenseless young girl.  He might be a pirate now, but he’d been raised a gentleman.

      Billy looked up with a surprised expression.  “Starkey!  Hey!  Rapier?”  He concentrated a moment, gathering his scattered thoughts.  “Oh!  It’s almost done,” he smiled sheepishly, pointing to the half-hilted sword lying on another workbench.  “I kinda got distracted.”

      “Why don’t you get un-distracted and finish your task!” Starkey snapped.  “My weapon was the driving purpose for our raid on the fair, and the Captain himself ordered you to make it your top priority!”  He hefted the new sword, appraising it carefully.  It still needed a lot of work, but he liked what he saw so far.  When Jukes didn’t reply, he set the blade back on the table and glared at the boy.

      Billy was once more hunched over the table, writing and muttering to himself.  There was a newly forged blade lying across the table before him, and as Starkey approached he saw that Billy was bent over a large slate, furiously chalking down designs and promptly wiping most of them away.  They were hilt designs, apparently for this other sword.  The pirate noted that they were all rather elaborate, which seemed odd for a pirate’s sword.

      “Lovely blade,” Starkey murmured, feeling a touch of jealousy as he laid his hand on it.  Quick as a viper, Jukes’s hand snapped out, pinning the blade to the table to prevent Starkey from lifting it.

      “Not yours,” he snapped, glaring at the man.  Starkey could see the boy was frazzled, circles under his eyes bearing silent testimony that he was exhausted.  It wasn’t terribly uncommon to see him in this state – between his nightmares and his inspiration, the boy often took spells of insomnia.

      Deeming it prudent to ignore the boy’s crankiness if he ever wanted to see his own weapon completed, Starkey took a moment to examine the hilt designs that Billy hadn’t wiped out yet.  “Not mine, then,” he answered, “but too small for Hook or Mason.  Smee’s far too fond of his own blade to take a new one and Cookson prefers mallets and cleavers.  Mullins?  No, your hilts are too delicate for him to use… yours then?”  There was nothing wrong with Jukes making a fine sword for himself; the odd thing was that the boy had ample opportunity to do so but never did.

      Billy chuckled distractedly.  “No, not mine.  I’d love this sword, but she isn’t meant for me… she’s too fine and I’m too rough.  She’ll take my hand too if I try to wield her.”

      My hand too?  What is he blathering about?  To Starkey’s knowledge, no one had lost a hand recently.  “Well, whose is it then?  Who is important enough that you’d shirk your duty and make them a noncommissioned sword?  None of the men would want something this effeminate…” he paused, a sudden though making his lips curl up into a smile.  “Are you making this for Miss Pan?”

      “Peter?” Billy repeated, blinking in confusion.  He looked down at the blade as if seeing it for the first time.  His fevered thoughts calmed, smoothing out and becoming clearer.  Yes, it’s hers, I can feel it… While he’d been forging the blade, he’d been working on pure instinct, knowing what to do with the hot steel without even thinking about it.  He remembered now that his thoughts had been on Peter the entire time, so his hands must have shaped the blade for her in response to his preoccupation.  He hadn’t realized who it was meant for, all he’d known was that he had to make it and that it had to be perfect.  “It’s for Peter.  That’s why I couldn’t hilt it!  I was trying to make it for a pirate’s hand.  She’s not a pirate… she’s something else.”

      “And what might that be?” Starkey pressed, bemused by the dreamy look on Jukes’s face.  He knew what she was, but he was curious to know what Billy thought of her.  The boy was obviously besotted with Pan, and Starkey thought it was positively delightful.

      “She’s wonderful,” Billy sighed, shaking his head.  “She terrifies me.”

“      Did you sleep at all last night?” Starkey asked when Billy rubbed his eyes, smearing chalk on his cheeks.

      “Tried, but I needed to finish… even in my dreams I saw the sword.  I have to finish it.  She needs protection.  I got up after an hour or so of sleep and put the edge and polish on the blade.  Been trying to hilt it but everything seemed wrong.   But now,” his eyes became distant, “I think I know what to do now.  Something that suits her, simple but elegant… beautiful but useful.  She doesn’t seem to care for ornaments.  Silver pommel and guard, Neverwood hilt – Neverwood’s strong and soft, a good comfortable grip…” he trailed off, contemplating the design and possible engravings he’d add.

      “If you like Miss Pan so much, I’m sure presenting her with this will go a long way towards winning her heart,” Starkey chuckled.  He was a romantic, and the thought of Jukes and Pan had a definite appeal.  It was rather like Romeo and Juliet, or, given their racial differences, Othello and Desdemona.  Rather depressing stories, both of them, but most love stories were.

      “I don’t like her!” Billy snapped, not meeting Starkey’s eyes.  He knew it was a lie… he did like her and he couldn’t stand her.

      “You liked the girl well enough when we captured her,” the man reminded him dryly.  “Remember the toast?  You seemed happy at the thought of…what was it?... making her a woman one day?”  He smiled when Billy’s face turned an amazingly darker shade.  “I see you do.  So what’s changed?”

      “She’s changed!  I’ve changed!  When Oberon took me, she was a scrawny little girl I had a crush on.  They did things to both of us… they made her grow and they made me See things!  I saw her magic and I saw her soul!  I’m scared of what she is and what she’s capable of.  All that power… she’s not even completely human!”  Billy struggled for a moment, trying to explain the essence of what he’d seen that day and still unable to put it into words.  Maybe if he knew a fairy tongue, he could have enunciated it; alas, there were no human concepts that could describe her.  “And when my eyes were normal again, the Peter Pan I knew was gone.  Now she’s a She, with…” he flushed again, his hands waving wildly in curves suggesting a feminine outline, “and she’s got… and…” he abruptly clenched his fists, laying them on the table.  “She scares me, and I don’t know what to do.  I feel… weird around her.”

      Starkey chuckled, sitting down at the table beside the boy.  Ah, young love, he thought wistfully, remembering fondly some of the romantic interludes of his own youth.  “Billy, my young shipmate, if you’d like some advice on courting the Mistress Pan, I’m at your service.”

      “Courting?” Billy repeated suspiciously.  “I don’t want to court her!  I’ve been avoiding her ever since she woke up!”

      Starkey ignored him.  “First, you’re going to eat.  Next you’re taking a nap.  Cap’n’ll understand you were working all night and let you rest.  When you’re up and fresh, we’ll see about getting you some quality time with Miss Pan.”  Starkey frowned.  “She’ll be a bit trickier than other women, she obviously doesn’t like most feminine things and she’s still as crude as a pirate at times… but I’m working on that.  My two students, falling in love!”

      “Now wait just a minute!” Billy protested, not thinking he or Pan were quite old enough for that… much less ready for it.  But Starkey grabbed his elbow and pulled him to his feet.  He didn’t fight, strangely intrigued and repelled at the same time, the two emotions warring him into uselessness.  Starkey continued to yammer at him, plotting ways to get them together and giving the boy small tips on manners and grooming.  “Just don’t tell anyone about this, ‘specially not Mullins, okay?” Billy said at last, giving in.

      “Of course not,” Starkey answered, not really listening as he dragged Billy to the galley.  Once the boy was fed and sent to his hammock for a much-needed rest, Starkey went to the Captain to make a not-altogether unreasonable request.  Pan’s education was still very much in the early stages, but Starkey had just thought of an excellent lesson he could give the girl, one that he could get Jukes to help him with and thereby give the two youngsters some time to get to know one another better.

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      Several hours later Billy was fed and rested, and he was immensely thankful for the strength both food and sleep gave him as he stared at a very red-faced and angry Peter Pan.  She really is pretty when she’s angry.  Thank God for the collar, though, Billy mused, smiling vacantly at the girl.  His smile seemed to incense her further, and he marveled at the way her eyes flashed and how her flushed cheeks seemed to make her even lovelier.  She seemed so alive!

      “I will not, especially not with him!” Peter snarled, glaring at Starkey.  “I know how to dance, I don’t need lessons, and I’ll dance naked for trolls before I dance with Billy Jukes.”

      “Captain Hook himself has agreed that you should be taught the proper forms of dance,” Starkey said calmly, keeping the tremor out of his voice.  He knew she couldn’t harm him, but whenever she was angry he still had flashbacks of when she tried to strangle him.  “There are rules to learn that govern dancing and the balls you will attend.  There are formal steps to perform while dancing, and if you do not learn them you will make a proper fool of yourself.”

      “Fine, I’ll learn to dance, but why can’t you teach me?” Peter groused, pointedly not looking to Billy.

      “Mr. Jukes is a fine dancer,” Starkey tried to assure her.  He didn’t know why Pan was so dead set against Jukes, but if the boy had done something to anger her, now would be a good chance for him to make peace.  “I taught him myself, so he’s learned from the best.  I need to watch the two of you from the side to give you pointers.  Besides, Billy lacks experience leading, so this lesson will benefit him, too.”

      “I’ll not participate in anything that Jukes leads in,” Peter sneered.

      Oh for the love of… Billy felt his bemusement break as annoyance at her hardheadedness overcame him.  He knew one way to get the girl to agree… either that, or she would get so pissed off that she’d never speak to him again, and considering she was almost that way now, it hardly mattered.  “See?  I told you she was scared,” Billy laughed, grinning now at Starkey.

      “Scared?  I’m not afraid of anything!” Peter shot back, standing up straight and glaring.

      “You’re just a silly girl that’s afraid to show how dumb she is when she can’t even learn to dance from a pirate,” Billy taunted.  Appeals to her rationality weren’t working, so it was time to appeal to her ego.  And Pan’s ego was easy to hit, being such a large target.

      “I’m not stupid nor am I afraid, Billy Jukes, and even as a girl I’m more of a man than you are!”

      “Prove it,” Billy answered calmly.  He somehow managed to quell his own nervousness as he held out his hands to her.  She’s collared, she can’t attack me, and she’s so pissed right now it won’t matter if she gets any angrier.  There was a certain calming quality about knowing things could hardly get worse.  “Prove me wrong and dance with me.  I promise I won’t be disappointed if you win.”  Her face was nearly purple with indignation.   “Please, Miss Pan?” his voice softened, “I’d also like to apologize to you for being such an idiot yesterday.”

      Peter cocked her head to the side, looking at Billy with sudden interest.  She really did want to get along with him, and an apology would go a long way towards smoothing out her anger at him.  But she suspected he was being made to apologize to her, probably Hook’s idea, and she had no interest in hearing yet another insincere apology from someone on this ship.  “Alright,” she said at last, deciding to hear what he had to say and get it over with. “You want to dance, Billy, let’s dance.”

      She walked up to him, holding her hands out awkwardly, unsure of what to do with them.  She did know how to dance, several fairy ceremonies required her to do it, but she’d always danced alone.  She startled more than she liked when Jukes gently grabbed her wrists, and for a moment she tried to pull away.  The boy held on, giving the girl a glimpse of how surprisingly strong he really was.  When she quit pulling against him, he guided her left hand to his right shoulder, holding her right hand in his left.  She tried to step back again when his free hand found its way to her hip, but he merely held on and pulled her closer.

      “Don’t be afraid,” he said softly, feeling a little bolder.  She was skittish and unsure, and seeing her that way made him feel a lot more confident in himself. 

      “Me?  Afraid?  Certainly not of you,” Peter chuckled breathlessly, feeling extremely uncomfortable that the pirate boy was touching her and holding her so close.  “You don’t have your hammer.”

      Billy flushed at that comment and looked away.  Starkey spared him from having to say anything by choosing that moment to start playing his flute.  He felt a surge of gratitude towards the man and began to explain the steps to Peter, noting with relief that she seemed to be paying attention.  Maybe this would go alright after all.

      Peter winced at the sound of Starkey’s flute but refrained from making any remarks about his dubious ability to play.  She wasn’t sure if she liked the man; she hated his lessons on hairstyles, makeup and dress but he had protected her from Oberon, and that counted a lot more than he probably realized.  So instead of paying attention to the music, Peter focused on Billy, listening to his explanations for the dance they were going to attempt.  If she was going to do this, she was going to get it right and prove Billy wrong.  Despite Hook’s attempts to change her, she was still Peter Pan, and she could do anything she set her mind to.  Once she thought she had the basics down, she nodded and he stepped, counting the beats while Peter did her best to follow.

      Billy grimaced when Peter promptly trod on his foot, but he continued to dance as if nothing had happened.  “I am sorry I was so horrible to you yesterday,” he said softly, meeting her eyes at last.

      “Good,” she snapped, still suspecting he was being coerced into apologizing.  “I know you don’t like me, Mr. Jukes, and I don’t expect you to.  I’m sure most of your shipmates don’t want me here, and the only reason this crew hasn’t scuppered me is because Hook’s having too much fun at my expense.  Don’t worry, I said I’d stay away from you and I meant it.  You can go now if you want and I’ll tell Hook we’re fine friends so he won’t make you pretend to be nice.”

      “What?” Billy asked, his genuine confusion making him miss a step and once more Peter’s booted heel stomped on his foot.  He yelped and hurriedly got back in step, ignoring the ache in his foot.  “I’m not pretending to be nice, and I am sorry about yesterday!  I just get like that when I’m working.  I get so wrapped up in my project… I don’t know; I just get frustrated and angry when someone breaks my concentration.  The crew knows to leave me alone.  When you interrupted me, I saw you as the old Peter Pan, the one that always made mischief and ruined my projects.  It was wrong and I’m sorry…” he trailed off, knowing his apology and explanation were woefully inadequate.  Starkey had warned him that apologizing to a woman was tricky business and that he’d have to bend low to get back in her good graces.  Billy just hoped Peter still had enough of a boy’s mentality to accept his apology and forget about yesterday.

      Peter looked at Billy, a small smile playing on her lips.  “You… you saw me as my old self?  Really and truly?” It made her feel good somehow that at least one pirate still remembered her as she had been and could still see it.  She preferred that version of herself over this overgrown girl she’d become.

      “Aye,” Billy answered, mystified at her sudden change of mood.  He wasn’t sure why what he’d said had pleased her, but he decided to take advantage of it.  “I’d have sworn you were the old Pan from weeks ago, come to steal something from my workshop to help Twins’ inventions.”  Peter’s smile broadened so he pressed on.  “I even expected you to come at me with your dagger, crowing and flying about the cabin.”

      “You didn’t see 'Miss Pan' at all?  Not even a little bit?”

      “Didn’t even notice you were wearing a dress,” Billy swore, but that was a lie.  He’d noticed the dress, he just hadn’t cared.  But she was smiling now and he was beginning to get an idea of how much she disliked her new life as a girl.  He suddenly felt very sad for her.

      “Thanks, Billy,” she said softly, moving in time with him without even thinking about it.  “I miss being me, the real me, and I’m glad to know some piece of me hasn’t changed.  Promise me you’ll help me remember who I was and I’ll forgive you for anything.”

      “It’s a deal,” he swore, relaxing into the dance.  He decided not to push his luck any further and contented himself with his newfound peace with the girl.  They continued to dance as he guided her though the basic steps.  Peter seemed just as content as Billy and followed his lead, smiling in delight when she went several measures without stepping on his toes again.  They glided along in harmony, and when Billy unexpectedly twirled her, Peter adjusted and completed the move, laughing triumphantly at her cleverness in keeping pace.  Despite this being a lesson, both were having fun.

      Hook watched the two children dance, smiling in approval of Peter’s natural grace.  She still occasionally missed a step, but she didn’t injure Jukes’s foot again.  Billy was a fairer dancer than Hook had realized, and the captain approved of any activity that gave a young man a more sophisticated air.  When at last the dance was done and Starkey lowered his flute, Billy bowed formally to Peter, gaining another notch of esteem with the captain.  Hook felt more than a touch of annoyance when Peter, flushed from the exertion and looking a trifle confused, returned the masculine bow.

      “I see I never did teach you to curtsey, Kitten,” Hook said dryly.  Peter’s flush deepened, remembering the day she’d fought with Wendy.  Hook had demanded an apology and a curtsey then, and never carried through on his vow to teach her to do it.  “Very good, Mr. Jukes, you dance rather well for an ill-bred cannon jockey.  However, I have a few things I need to discuss with you in your workroom.  Please wait for me there.”

      “Aye, sir,” Billy answered, his pleasure at Hook’s rare praise warring with his dread of what the man wanted to discuss.  Generally, discussions in private with Hook were not good things.  “You did great, Miss Pan, and I must say you proved me wrong.  I’d like to have lessons with you again.”  He waved and took off for his workroom, worry beginning to tie knots in his stomach and dampen his good mood.

      “Starkey, illustrate to Pan how a curtsey is done.  I want her to demonstrate it to me perfectly before I speak with Jukes,” Hook ordered.  Peter glared at him, to which he merely smiled, while Starkey sheepishly performed the maneuver.  As Hook suspected, the man was far too adept at doing it.  “You see, Kitten,” he said when Starkey straightened.  “A curtsey is a simple yet elegant maneuver.”

      Peter stuck out her tongue in distaste.  “If you think I’m going to curtsey for you, Captain, you’re out of your mind.”

      Before Hook could get himself worked up, Starkey spoke.  “Please, Miss Pan,” he said earnestly, “if you don’t learn this and show him properly, I’m the one that will be punished for your failure.”

      Peter pursed her lips, contemplating the thin pirate.  She really didn’t want Starkey to get into trouble, not after everything he’d done for her.  “Alright,” she sighed and dipped the captain a shallow, perfunctory curtsey. 

      “Pan,” Hook growled warningly, not at all appeased by her half hearted attempt.

      “Peter?” a voice called in surprise and the girl felt her heart skip in recognition of that voice. 

      “Nibs?” she called, turning to locate the boy.  When the blonde second-in-command stepped from behind a stack of crates, Peter felt a surge of joy and relief.  “NIBS!” she yelled, running towards the surprised boy.  Her target barely had time to brace himself before he was tackled to the deck by the girl.  “How’d you get here?  Where’re the others?  Is Wendy okay?  What about Tink?  I’m so glad you’re here!  I miss everyone so much!”  She didn’t mind that she was babbling, too overjoyed to care as she squeezed the boy with every ounce of her strength.

      Nibs hugged the girl back awkwardly but enthusiastically, lying on his back with her on top of him.  He grinned at her tirade of questions, her voice confirming what his eyes could not – this was Peter Pan, his best friend and leader.  Once her frantic questions had been asked and she relaxed the death grip she had on him, he sat up and took a few moments to stare at her.

      “Gee, Peter, you look, um…” he took in her thinner features, her dress, and the new shapes under the dress.  “You look… taller,” he finished weakly.  He’d seen her briefly in a dress before, and Wendy had warned him that Peter had grown up some and was in fact a girl.  Nibs hadn’t really considered what those facts put together would look like.

      “Yeah, I’m… taller,” Peter agreed, fidgeting with one of the ribbons on her skirt.  She suddenly felt very self-conscious, wondering what her Lost Boys would think of her now.  She knew she’d changed a lot, but would it be too much for them?  Will they still like me?  Will they replace me, like my godparents are going to?

      “What have we here?” Hook drawled at last.  He’d let Peter have her fun welcoming her friend, knowing better than to try to stop her.  But he wanted to make sure the visitor wasn’t here to cause mischief and he certainly didn’t want to alienate Peter by killing the brat just yet.  “A Lost Boy dares to sneak aboard my ship?”

      Nibs instinctively leapt to his feet, reaching for his short sword.  Peter rose with him and put a staying hand on his wrist.  “Don’t draw, Nibs.  I’ll vouch for you.”

      “Vouch?” Nibs asked, confused, but he obeyed.  Girl or not, Peter Pan was still his leader.

      Remembering her lesson from last night in getting her way with Hook, Peter smiled her best smile at the man.  “I have a visitor, Captain, and would like to speak with him in private.”  It wasn’t quite asking the man for permission, but it was close enough to satisfy him without losing face.

      Hook glared at the Lost Boy, considering his options.  He wanted to run the brat off, perceiving Peter’s old friends as threats to her new life with him.  But if he did that, Peter would resent him and she’d become even more difficult to manage.  She wasn’t his yet, not quite, and there was still a chance those pixies would give her a choice as to where she’d like to go when they no longer needed her.  When that time came, he wanted her to choose to be with him.  “Very well, Kitten.  You may use my cabin while I go inspect Mr. Jukes’s latest project.  Keep in mind what will happen to you if you try to leave the safety of my ship.  If I have to go fetch your paralyzed body again, I will happily drag you back to the longboat by your hair.  Understood?”

      Peter smiled at Hook, too happy with Nibs’s presence to be perturbed by the man’s threats.  “Thank you, Captain,” she said brightly, dropping a perfect curtsey and throwing Starkey a wink.  She took Nibs by the arm and led him past Hook to the cabin, noting that the man was smiling, obviously mollified by her curtsey.  “Could you have Mr. Smee bring us some tea?  Nibs and I have much to catch up on, and talking is thirsty business.”

      “Of course, Kitten,” Hook agreed.  He saw Nibs gaping at him in disbelief and realized how thoroughly and effectively Peter had just manipulated him.  He felt a touch of pride mixed in with his annoyance.  “No funny business, Pan.  My men will be keeping a close watch.”

      “Aye, Captain, and I’ll feel so much safer for it,” she smiled, closing the door behind her.  Hook blinked when he heard the lock turn and began swearing lowly at her audacity.

      “Starkey, have Smee fetch tea for Pan and her guest.  I want a close eye kept on that door and if she tries to leave with the boy, shoot him out of the sky.”  Starkey jumped to comply and Hook stormed below deck, intent on speaking with Jukes about a certain sword and its intended recipient.