Chapter 22 - Prelude to Remembrance

 

      “…and then you showed up,” Peter concluded softly, finishing her story.  It hadn’t taken long to tell at all, but that was because she’d been vague about some things – especially about her memories of Liam.  It bothered her that she couldn’t confide in her own second-in-command to the same extent that she’d confided in Hook, but she knew that Nibs wouldn’t understand what she’d been through.  She didn’t want to fill his head with images that would taint his innocence.  She missed her own innocence too much to want to divest anyone else of it.

      Nibs remained silent for several long minutes, turning over the information one piece at a time.  “So you can’t escape at all,” he said slowly, not wanting to admit it but seeing no alternative to his friend’s plight.  “You’re stuck here until King Oberon says otherwise.”

      “Yeah,” Peter answered wryly, trying not to show how much it bothered her.  “At least Codfish isn’t being his usual hateful self.  I’d rather be free and having adventures than being a maid, but this is better than being locked up all the time like I was the first few days.”  She gave him a reassuring smile.  “It’s tolerable until I can find a way out.  Maybe they won’t make me leave with Hook.”

      “But no matter what, they won’t let you come home?” Nibs asked, thoroughly disheartened. 

      Tears welled again in Peter’s eyes as she shook her head.  “No.  It’s over, Nibs.  Until they bring the new Pan, you’re the leader of the Lost Boys.”  If there was one comforting thought in her declaration, it was that she knew she could count on Nibs to take good care of the others.  And without Hook actively hunting the Lost Boys, there really wasn’t anything in Neverland her second-in-command couldn’t handle. 

      “Isn’t there something I can do?” Nibs exploded, standing suddenly.  His eyes too shone with brimming tears, but he held them back.  He wanted to be brave for Peter, to show her that he was strong enough and that she needn’t worry.  “Tell me, Peter!” he urged, kneeling before her and staring at her intently.  “Anything you need, name it and I’ll make it so.  There has to be something I can do to help you.”

      Peter smiled wanly, hesitantly cupping the boy’s cheek with her palm.  She was touched by Nibs’s concern, and it gave her the strength she needed.  “You can tell the others what I’ve told you.  Maybe together you can think of something.  Wendy’s frightfully smart, so maybe she’ll see a way around my exile.  You could come visit me… you and anyone else that wants to come.  It’ll make me less lonely to see my friends from time to time.  I’ll ask the Captain…”

      “Who cares about Hook?” Nibs snapped.  “If that old Codfish tries to keep us from you, we’ll just sneak aboard anyway.

      Peter’s eyes sparkled with delight at the thought of mischief, of sneaking her friends aboard and having fun while Hook remained unaware.  For only an instant did she feel some apprehension, knowing it wasn’t wise to provoke him when she couldn’t escape his wrath.  I shouldn’t, she thought in that instant, but on the heels of that came her old motto:  I often do things I shouldn’t.  Her fear was immediately quashed, unable to survive her childish sense of adventure, that sense reawakened by the conspiring smile of her playmate.  “Right you are, Nibs.  What Hook doesn’t know can’t hurt me.”

      “You bet,” Nibs agreed, returning Peter’s grin.  “We’ll come by night, slipping aboard unseen to visit the fair maiden in her tower on the sea.  Never fear, my lady, your gallant knights shall not fail you.”

      Peter’s smile faltered for a moment, but she forced it back into place to keep Nibs from seeing how miserable she really was.  She was now the Lady in the Tower for Nibs and his “knights” to rescue.  She didn’t want this role, despised the helplessness it implied, but she couldn’t deny the truth.  She was rather helpless.  And this could very well be the last game she would ever play with her friends.  “Very well, Sir Nibs, go forth and spread the tale of my captivity.  I await your return with joy and longing.”

      They stood and together went to the window.  Peter preferred a private parting, and wasn’t quite up to seeing the pirates right now.  “Is there anything else I can do, my Lady?” Nibs asked.

      Peter thought for a moment and nodded her head.  “Could you bring me my things, like my pipes and the carvings Twins made me?  Also, anything you think I might want or that you’d like me to take for a memento.  Um, there’s a necklace hanging on a peg by Tink’s house… I think I’d like that, too.”

      “No problem,” Nibs answered.  “I’ll bring them back after I’ve talked to the others.”  He gave the girl’s shoulder a pat, pretending not to notice how much taller she was now, and quickly flew out of the window and towards the shore.  Peter watched long after Nibs disappeared from sight, only vaguely aware when the door opened and Hook entered the room.

      Hook closed the door behind him, taking a moment to consider the profile of the girl in the room.  Peter’s gaze as she stared out the window was distant, her expression filled with melancholy.  “Your friend didn’t stay long,” he ventured carefully, trying to feel her out.  He wanted to know what had passed between her and Nibs, and he didn’t want to appear intrusive by quizzing her about it.

      “He’s coming back,” Peter replied, turning her attention to Hook.  “He’s going to tell the others that I’m safe and to get some of my things for me.”

      Things? Hook mused.  He would have to see about that.  There were some things he’d prefer her not to have, and the sooner she let go of her old life the better it would be for the both of them.  “So the Lost Boys have returned,” he said conversationally.  “How are they?”  He didn’t care a whit if they were well or not – he’d have preferred if they’d never returned – but pretending to be concerned was more likely to get answers out of Pan.

      Peter smiled at Hook and related to him what Nibs had said.  She couldn’t contain her enthusiasm at first, the boy’s visit having restored a lot of her spirit and confidence.  Hook cringed at the tone of her voice and the flash of her eyes, seeing too much of her old, irritating personality.  When she spoke of Slightly and mentioned her fears that he’d been hurt or had passed the tests, Hook leapt upon the idea as if it were a lifeline.

      “Wonderful!” he exclaimed brightly, escorting her to a chair.  “Of course he’s passed the tests!  They’d have brought him here if he’d been harmed, as they brought Jukes.”  He ignored the pained grimace Peter made and poured two small glasses of wine.   “He’s passed – I always saw something special in that boy.  He’s too damn cocky, like you, and he’s got more backbone than common sense.”

      Peter stared at Hook, numbly taking the glass he offered her.  She had to agree with his assessment, Slightly was brave – recklessly so.  He seemed to be cocky, yes, but everyone knew it was a cover.  Slightly always felt he had to prove himself and acted brash to cover up his own insecurities.  “He was my first Lost Boy… my oldest friend besides Tink.”

      Hook beamed, taking his own seat.  “See?  Obviously his long-term exposure to you and the island has made him the ideal candidate.  And as your first Lost Boy, it’s only fitting that he should be your successor.”  He raised his glass.  “To Slightly, future Pan!  I hope they finalize it soon!”  He downed his wine, waiting to see what Peter’s reaction would be.  He was most satisfied to see that most of the self-assurance had faded from her eyes.

      Peter just stared at her wine, dread making her stomach turn.  It made sense to her.  There was no other reason to keep Slightly… why would they send the others home untested unless they’d found a new Pan?  Likely, they were preparing him, teaching him about the magic and getting him used to its feel so that it wouldn’t frighten or harm him when they gave him her Gift.  He’d replace her soon… a matter of a day or so, probably.  “And what’s to become of me, then?” she murmured, her earlier good mood and confidence shattered as reality pressed upon her once more.

      “You’ll be cared for,” Hook said gently, hiding his own amusement and relief.  He welcomed her uncertainty and fear – they made her dependant on him and kept her compliant.  He wanted her to be happy one day, happy and confident, but not right now.  There would be a time for that later, when she was irrevocably his.  “I’ll care for you,” he continued, leaning towards her.  “Haven’t I shown you that I can be kind?  That life with me needn’t be harsh or unhappy?”

      “Yes,” Peter admitted, setting the full wineglass aside.  “But you’ve shown me that a life with you will be a life of captivity, filled with stifling rules and boring expectations.  You’ll send me to school.  You’ll make me a lady, dull and obliging, with all the life of a pressed flower.  And then what, what will you do when I’ve become perfectly boring and useless?  You’ll marry me off and I’ll never be free again.  Probably by that time I’ll have forgotten what freedom was, or worse, I’ll fear it and cling to whatever dreary old man you’ve paired me with.”

      “No, Kitten,” Hook replied, shaking his head.  While the thought of crushing her into a perfect lady was amusing and satisfied his sense of justice, it also struck him as a supreme waste.  The more he was around her, the more he saw how unique and special she really was, and how much potential she had hidden in that insolent little head of hers.  He thought of the sword Jukes had made for her, and pictured her wielding it once she was grown.  She could be groomed into a fierce pirate, a woman without peer and a force to be reckoned with.  Armed with the fighting abilities she already possessed and the beauty she promised to bloom into, she’d make a reputation that history books would marvel at for generations.  She’d be remembered long after James Hook was forgotten. 

      Pirate Princess or Miss Manners… two extremes she could be molded into, and he was enamored of both.  He’d pretty much decided her fate would depend upon her attitude.  If she pleased him, he’d let her grow as she wished, guiding her to her destiny but not forcing it upon her.  If she defied him, he’d break her spirit and dump her off on the ugliest, wealthiest, most lecherous lout he could find, use her to get to the old bastard’s finances, and leave both of them to the poorhouse. 

      “Don’t be so dramatic,” he continued, “Once this place is but a memory, you’ll see that life isn’t so bad…” further conversation was halted as a familiar, dreaded rustling noise filled the room.

      Peter turned very white, her eyes widening with terror and remaining locked with Hook’s own.  To the captain it seemed she was trying not to flee while barely biting back a scream.  Carefully he stood, keeping himself between Peter and the source of the sound, and turned to watch as the fairy King and Queen materialized in the middle of his cabin.  “I suggest you leave now,” he said warningly, knowing it was all bluff.  Oberon had handled him embarrassingly easily on his previous visits.  But he’d told the girl he would protect her, and he’d keep his promise if he could.  “I won’t have you harming this child again.”

      The monarchs ignored Hook, looking past him to see Peter.  She was huddled in her chair, eyes filled with fear.  “Oh, Peter,” Gloriana sighed regretfully, recognizing the depth of the damage they’d done to the girl.

      “You’ve come for my Gift,” Peter said weakly, her voice trembling.  “Will you at least let me tell my friends goodbye before you send me away?”

      “We’re taking you home,” Oberon announced.  “Your exile is ended and you are to be restored to the island as soon as possible.”

      “What?” both Peter and Hook gasped, both receiving this information with surprise and disbelief.  For her part, Peter also felt a flare of hope and relief, much like a condemned woman who stands on the gallows would feel at hearing she’d been pardoned.  “I can go home?” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet in excitement.  But her hand crept to her collar and she held back, suspicious of the sudden reversal.  Her memories of her former life made her question her godparents’ motives.  “Why?”

      Hook, however, felt none of Peter’s elation.  He felt himself grow cold for a moment, loss and a certain aching grief filling his heart.  She was to be his, damn it!  He wanted her and he would not relinquish her without a fight.  He’d gotten his hopes up too high to just let them take her away.  “I demand an explanation!” he roared, his hand closing on Peter’s shoulder.  He ignored the girl’s questioning look and glared at the pixies, anger giving him purpose.  Mine!  My prize, my reward for all the hell she’s put me through!  “I’ve cared for her when you would not, I’ve succored her in her need, given comfort to her in her grief and I’ve been the caretaker she’s needed – despite my justified hatred and desire for vengeance.  I deserve to know why she’s being freed.  You promised her to me!”

      “I’m not a thing to be given,” Peter protested hotly, but she was ignored by the three adults. 

      “I promised her to you on the condition that Peter had deliberately deceived us,” Oberon said patiently, though his eyes burned with rage at Hook’s possessive hold on his goddaughter.  “We have discovered that this was not the case.  Fairy Tinker Bell has confessed to treason.  She coerced Peter into hiding her gender from us.  She lied to her sovereigns about Peter’s true nature, seeking prestige as the bringer of the Pan.  She used dangerous magic on numerous children, illegally altering their memories to cover up her crimes.  She’s endangered the life of the Pan, the Lost Boys, and no less than five Indians with that illegal magic.”

      Gloriana interrupted her husband, seeing the he was becoming angry.  “The memory spells could be forgiven, as could her continued silence about Peter’s gender, because they happened after she was bound to her Pan.  A fairy bound to a Pan is loyal only to the Pan and cannot be held for treason for acting against the monarchy if it was done in her Pan’s interests.  She is guilty of treason, however, because she knew Peter was female even before she brought the girl to us.  She lied to us before the bonding.  Peter wanted to tell us the truth, but Tinker Bell played upon the child’s fears and coerced her into remaining silent.  After the bond, she endangered her Pan by using the memory spells on her.  She didn’t do it to protect Peter, she did it to hide her crimes.  She betrayed her monarchs, her people, and her Pan.  The only fitting punishment is death.”

      “Death?” Peter echoed, her voice filled with horror and fear.  She loved Tink and, despite the list of crimes, she couldn’t bear the thought of her pixie being killed.  “You can’t!  You can’t hurt her, she’s my friend!”

      “Peter,” Oberon soothed, knowing this was difficult for the girl.  “She betrayed you…”

      “No she didn’t!” Peter snapped.  Her hands flew to her mouth, realizing the truth of the words.  “She didn’t betray me,” she said softly, trying to make the vague feelings into a memory.  Thinking about what Oberon and Gloriana had told her, she realized that it didn’t feel right.  Even though she couldn’t remember, she felt that everything they had said was a lie.  “I – I think I betrayed her…” she said weakly, her voice growing distant as she struggled to make sense of it.

      Hook’s eyes gleamed, seeing opportunity.  If Peter was guilty, then she would be his once and for all.  “What is it?  Did you lie, Pan?  Is Tinker Bell innocent?”

      “Yes,” Peter whispered faintly.  Hook grinned in triumph while the King and Queen gasped in horror.  Then she shook herself, pulling her shoulder away from Hook’s grip and stepping back, distancing herself from every one in the room.  She couldn’t trust any of them, not a single one of these three adults really cared about her.  But Tink cared about her and she was sure that Tink had taken the blame to protect her.  “I can’t believe you’d take Tink’s word for it.  She’s bonded to me; she’ll say anything to keep me safe.”

      “No,” Oberon replied.  “I broke her bond to you.  She’s quite free to speak the truth.” 

      Peter gaped at her godfather, incredulous at first.  “You broke her bond?” she nearly screamed.  “How could you?  She’s my friend and she loves me more than you EVER did!”  More than ever before she hated the collar around her neck.  She wanted to fight, to attack, to flee, but it kept her from being able to do anything.  Her frustration got the better of her at last so she grabbed her glass of wine and hurled it across the room, where it shattered against the wall.

      Hook winced at the loss of his wineglass, remembering the night Peter had told him of Liam.  She’d smashed a great many things of his then, too.  When Peter didn’t seem satisfied by its destruction and reached for the crystal decanter, the captain intercepted her, grabbing her arm and jerking her away from the expensive item.  “Stop breaking my things, Kitten,” he growled.

      Tears rolled down Peter’s cheeks as she stared up at him.  “They hurt Tink,” she said softly, not resisting his uncomfortable grip.

      “Better her than you,” Hook growled, but then he paused.  No, Tinker Bell taking the blame for this is not what I want.  “Majesties,” he said silkily, pulling Peter close so that she stood before him, his arm on her shoulder in a friendlier hold.  “Is it possible that Miss Bell is still lying?  Despite her lack of a bond, couldn’t it be that she cares for this girl enough to sacrifice her own life to protect her?”

      “It’s possible,” Gloriana admitted, “but it doesn’t matter.  Tinker Bell has confessed and there’s no way to disprove her confession.  Without contrary evidence, her own testimony condemns her.”

      “What if I could remember?” Peter asked hopefully.  “I’ve been remembering things; you both poked in my head and made me remember.  Do it again!  Make me remember meeting Tink, and make me remember if what she told you is true or not.  Let my testimony stand against hers.”

      “No!” Gloriana said sharply, thinking of the pale Lost Boy she’d left in the healers’ care.  “Those memory traps are too unstable and it makes my stomach turn to realize how lucky we were before.  We could have driven you insane or killed you!  To make you remember safely will take weeks of careful spell-breaking.  By that time it will be too late.  Tinker Bell dies at sundown, as required by Law.”

      Hook felt the girl sway, so he wrapped his arms about her, supporting her as she sagged against him.  Her hands closed about his wrists tightly and her body shook with emotion.  “What if Pan remembers later,” Hook challenged, “and her memories prove that Tinker Bell lied?  What will you do, knowing you murdered an innocent?  What do your laws say of that?”

      Oberon and Gloriana were hesitant to answer, conflicted and unsure.  The Law bound Oberon as surely as the collar bound Peter, and for him to violate the Law could have devastating results.  But there were ways around any law, and they had planned to exploit a loophole to end Peter’s exile.  The Law required a Pan at all times.  Technically Peter was still the Pan, so the Law was satisfied; but both she and the island were deteriorating quickly and needed to be restored to one another soon.  The Law also forbade a female Pan, so they were in violation of it by allowing Peter to continue as the Pan.  The only reason this hadn’t caused Oberon trouble was because there was no-one else to take her Gift.  A girl Pan was less of a violation than no Pan at all.

      Oberon had banished Peter, and his word was Law.  Barring exceptional circumstances, he was bound to uphold her exile.  They wanted Tinker Bell to take the blame and the punishment, because her confession constituted the exceptional circumstances they needed to free her.  Once she was restored, they could find a new Pan at their leisure.  It was unlikely that Peter would ever remember the truth, especially once the collar was removed and she was rebound to the island.  But if there was a chance… if it ever became known that the King had willfully ignored potential evidence and executed an innocent pixie to protect an illegitimate Pan….

      “The Law says I must die, in atonement of her wrongful death,” Oberon answered Hook’s question quietly.

      “Then why don’t you want me to remember?” Peter asked in wonder.

      “Because I’ve hurt you enough, Peter,” Oberon replied.  “And I think I’d rather die than watch that fiendish pirate take you away.”

      “And I’d rather grow up with pirates than allow anyone I love to die for me!” Peter yelled, frustrated.  She did love her godfather, she realized, despite what he’d done to her.  She’d no more let him foolishly throw away his life than she’d let him take Tink’s.  “I won’t let you do it!”  She saw Oberon’s frown deepen and knew he was going to argue.  “I won’t dance.  If you kill Tink, I won’t dance in the binding ceremony and there’s no way you can make me!  You can’t See the magic to bind me yourself.”

      “If you forget she ever existed,” Oberon hissed angrily, “there’s no reason for you to refuse.”  He stretched out his hand towards Peter, and the girl recoiled, pressing her back even closer against Hook.  He wasn’t going to barter with a mere child over the morality of sacrificing a single pixie’s life for the good of Neverland.  There was more at stake here than Peter was letting herself see.

      “Oberon, no!” Gloriana shouted in shock, surprised that her husband would resort to such a dangerous tactic.  But he knew better than anyone what he could and could not do under the Law, and if he saw this as the only way…

      Hook had heard enough.  He didn’t know if Peter’s hidden memories would condemn her or not, but he was willing to bet that they would.  There was no way in Hell he was going to let this puffed-up pixie potentate rob him of his chance to keep his Kitten.  He’d see her dead before he’d let them take her when she was rightfully his.  Angry and annoyed, he lifted the girl without warning and held her so that her cheek was pressed against his jaw.  Before she could even begin to protest, he silenced her by putting his hook to her throat.

      “Don’t struggle, Kitten,” he murmured to her.  “I’m going to make them give you what we both want, and I’ll truly regret harming you needlessly.”

      “Captain?” Peter squeaked, feeling the cold steel tip pressed against her throat, just above the collar.  It had been so long since she’d felt threatened by this man that she’d foolishly let her guard down.  She’d forgotten how dangerous he really was.  By the expressions of disbelief and fear on her godparents’ faces, apparently they had, too.

      “Unhand my daughter!” Gloriana demanded, raising a hand to use her magic to pull Peter free.  She froze when the girl gasped and a small bead of blood dribbled from a tiny cut on her neck.

      “That was your only warning,” Hook told them, his voice casual.  “If I even think one of you is about to try something foolish, I will slit her throat without a second thought.”

      “You wouldn’t,” Oberon protested.

      “I think you should consider who this is that you’re dealing with,” Hook warned him, moving to sit in a chair where he could see them both.  He pulled Peter onto his lap so that her back remained firmly against him, his hook still at her jugular.  “I’ve tolerated this urchin on my ship because I was told she’d be given to me.  I set aside my thirst for her blood on the hope that I’d be given her life. I will NOT stand by and let you renege on your promise.”  He saw Oberon open his mouth to protest and cut him off.  “You will do as I say, or I’ll kill her and we’ll all watch this diabolical island fade back into the nightmares from which it sprang.”

      Gloriana clutched Oberon’s arm tightly, her eyes wide with terror.  The fairy King nodded at Hook stiffly.  “What do you want us to do?”

      “I want nothing that isn’t my due.  I want you to give Peter what she’s asked for, and I want you to uphold your oath to me,” Hook replied.  “Use your magic to make her remember.  When you’re done, I’ll ask her a few questions to assure myself that you haven’t raped her mind as you threatened.  Be warned, Peter has already remembered a great many things from her old life, and she’s confided in me about them.  If I find one recollection to be contrary to what she’s told me before, I’ll kill her.”  He felt Peter begin to relax in his hold and smiled.  She understood his intentions now and was going to let him negotiate on her behalf.  He loosened his grip on her slightly to allow her more comfort, but kept his hook in its perilous position.

      “She will tell us what she remembers,” Hook continued, “and if she exonerates Tinker Bell, you’ll keep your word to me.”

      “And if she verifies Tinker Bell’s guilt?” Oberon asked.

      “Then I’ll let you have her.  Once she’s restored and back to her old, abhorrent self, I’ll send her a bouquet of flowers in condolences for Tink’s demise.  After she’s had a suitable time for mourning, I’ll resume my quest for vengeance.”

      “How kind of you,” Peter said dryly, keeping a smile from her face.  It wouldn’t do Hook’s threat any good if her godparents saw her smiling, and she knew better than to think Hook was bluffing.  He would kill her.  He’d tried too many times in the past for her to ever doubt it.

      “I am a gentleman, Kitten,” Hook replied.

      Oberon thought furiously, trying to find a way to free his goddaughter without giving in to their demands.  If he could buy some time, the pirate might lower his weapon enough for him to get Peter away.  “Witnesses are needed,” he said, trying to stall.  “I’ll see her memories as she regains them, but we’ll need witnesses as outside arbiters in case she and I disagree on what her memories mean.”

      “Your pretty wife and I should suffice as witnesses,” Hook suggested.  “If we aren’t enough, I have a crew on hand.  But if you think to delay, I’ll end this stand-off now.”  He moved his arm a fraction of an inch and Gloriana cried out in panic.

      “Please, Godfather,” Peter appealed, desperate to help Tink and becoming more and more concerned about the claw at her throat.  She wasn’t terribly thrilled at being in Hook’s lap again, either.

      “Very well,” Oberon agreed at last, unable to think of a way out of this.  He pulled a crystal from his robes, the seeing-stone.  As she stared at the colorful stone, Peter felt a strange vibration build in her collar.  “This is our conduit into your mind, Peter, and it’s your last surviving magical connection.  It’s artificial, connecting you to us through the collar, so don’t be alarmed at any sensations you may feel.  It won’t paralyze or stun you from what we’re about to do.”  He opened his hand and the stone hovered in the air, flashing brightly as it spun.  Oberon threw a handful of fairy dust at it, and the sparkling cloud coalesced into a large, flat square.

      “Gall and brimstone,” Hook growled, “what in perdition is that?”

      “It’s a seeing wall,” Peter informed him, her hands nervously clutching the arm around her waist, fingers twisting the fabric of his sleeve.  “When he begins, you’ll see my thoughts and memories in there.”  She stiffened suddenly as an unpleasant pressure filled her head, making her eyes water and her ears roar.  She squeezed Hook’s arm desperately as her vision faded along with her awareness of everything else around her.  The invasion into her mind this time was much faster and much more overt than any time previously, and it was all she could do to force herself to relax and allow it to happen.

      She fell into darkness, floating in a cavern filled with strange images and voices.  Random recollections flowed past her, her own memories surrounding her and clamoring for her attention.  A voice spoke to her, a somewhat familiar voice, and she followed its guidance down into the depths of the cavern, seeking that which had been hidden from her for so very long.