Chapter 3 - Poison
Peter shivered and burrowed further into the thin blanked. “Snuggle up, Nibs,” she said sleepily, “its cold.” She rolled to her left to share warmth with the boy that had slept by her side for nights innumerable, but instead of encountering Nibs’s sleeping body, she rolled completely off the hay bed and found herself on a cold, wooden floor.
Fully awake now, Peter opened her eyes and stared into the blackness, confused. “Tink?” she called, needing the fairy’s light. But her voice sounded flat in the room and the silence that followed was deafening. Where am I? This isn’t home, she wondered. Where are my clothes? She wasn’t supposed to be naked, not unless she was bathing… “Hook,” Peter murmured, remembering now. “Hook saw me bathing and caught me.”
Slowly the memory came back, the memories of the net and nearly drowning. Memories of Hook and the pirates calling her a girl, and her fight with Billy Jukes. She remembered that Hook had wanted her to wear a dress and that they’d fought about it. Her back and her head ached, and her right arm was sore… injuries from the battle. Peter vaguely remembered being stripped, but that memory filled her with unease so she danced away from it, turning her mind instead to thoughts of escape.
I must still be in the room, she decided. It was pitch black and the air had a definite chill in it. Reaching around blindly, she quickly found the blanket again and wrapped it around her body. A metallic sound caught her attention and she realized that she was chained yet again. Feeling her way along its length, she found where the chain connected to the wall.
“I wish I could see,” Peter growled as she fumbled at the ring set into the wall. It was rough and she felt her fingers knock flakes of rust free, but the bolts held firm. “Come on,” Peter muttered as she tired to figure out how to get free. She planted a foot to either side of the ring and pulled on the chain as hard as she could, but to no avail. Muttering a few choice words in fey, Peter stood and began exploring the room. It had been pretty sparse the last time she’d seen it, but she knew she needed to make sure.
Peter followed a wall until her chain pulled tight, then walked across the room to the opposite wall and followed it back to the bedding. She encountered no furnishings and her chain snagged nothing, verifying that the room was bare. “Well, that was useful,” she sighed and sat on the haystack to think.
After a little while, her stomach gave a gurgle. Hoping a pirate would come, she yelled, “I’m hungry!” This little adventure was getting boring quickly and she needed some action to enliven the whole thing. Perhaps she could trick a pirate into letting her go. At the least, she could get some light in here. She waited for what seemed like an appropriate amount of time and then tried again. “Heeeeelloooooo!” she yelled as loudly as she could. Again she waited. “Come and kill me already, Codfish!” she yelled in exasperation and lay back down.
First they laugh at me. Now they’re ignoring me! I hate them! Peter hated being ignored almost as much as she hated being made fun of, and it was inconceivable that both affronts could happen to her in one day. As her head came to rest, it encountered soft cloth instead of molding hay. Curious, Peter sat up again and lifted the strange article, trying to discover what it was.
When she determined it had sleeves, she felt a bit of hope. But when further investigation revealed that she was holding a dress, Peter snarled in disgust, wadded the hateful thing up, and shoved it deep under the hay. “I’d rather be naked!” she shouted to whoever might be listening, and wrapped the blanket around her shivering body even more tightly.
Lying back down again, Peter wondered how long it would be before her friends came to rescue her. Wendy and the boys likely wouldn’t miss her for awhile, they were used to Peter going off unexpectedly for an adventure, not returning until she was ready to. But Tink usually accompanied her at those times… Peter rarely went anywhere completely alone. The fairies thought it was too dangerous. So… Tink would likely raise the alarm first. How long before they thought to look on the ship?
Peter’s thoughts wandered as she lay in the darkness, and eventually they returned to her capture. “Why do you think I’m a girl? You said that boys and girls are different? How am I different now?” Peter ran her hands across her chest slowly, then down her stomach and across her thighs, trying to discover what may be different about her body today. She even touched her secret place, but everything was the same as it had always been. “I don’t understand,” she sighed when she finished her examination.
“I bet it’s a joke,” she said suddenly and smiled. “Ha, Ha, Codfish! I see now. You just said that to laugh at me. I bet you just wanted me to wear that dress so you could make a fool out of me! It won’t work! Do you hear me?” But still, there was no reply.
“I’m thirsty,” she called again later. Her stomach rumbled and her throat was dry, and she wondered if someone would ever come again. She hadn’t eaten breakfast, and she was famished. More time passed, time in which Peter slept, paced, railed at Hook, sang, pulled at the chain on the wall, and cried in frustration, trying desperately to relieve her boredom and growing anxiety. Why hadn’t Hook come back? Peter had been the man’s prisoner on numerous occasions, but rarely had she ever been left alone for this long. Hook usually spent a lot of time gloating, staring at his prisoner. And he usually didn’t wait this long before trying to execute her. She was helpless here, and not being in control was very frightening to Peter. She hoped that someone would come soon, whether it was one of her friends or even one of the pirates; but it was an eternity before anyone did.
Hook had been in a particularly foul mood all day, and he didn’t even try to hide it. His men ducked and ran at his every order, which gave him a perverse sense of satisfaction, and enabled him to stay calm enough to not execute one of his men. But it wasn’t enough to cheer him. Fortunately for them, Pan’s brats hadn’t shown yet, so they either hadn’t missed their leader yet or they didn’t know where he was. Considering that if Pan was in trouble, he was likely in Hook’s clutches, Hook thought that the brats weren’t alarmed yet. The lot of them could go to Davey Jones for all he cared, but he wanted to have a chat with Pan’s pixie.
Mid-afternoon turned to early evening, and Hook contemplated going to speak with Pan again. No, he decided after some thought. If she goads me, and she will, I’ll do something regrettable again. He was ashamed of how he’d handled the girl earlier. That shame irked him, keeping him in his agitated state. If he hadn’t discovered Pan’s secret, his violence towards the child wouldn’t have upset him. It’s a shame I must treat her differently now. But it’s best that I found out before I killed her. Ignorance is no excuse for improper behavior. Hook sincerely hoped Pan’s gender was the result of magic and could be undone. He wanted to fight Peter Pan, to hurt him as he’d been hurt, and then to kill him… as he’d always planned. And then there was the humiliation of being bested repeatedly by an immature little wench.
Billy swallowed nervously as he approached his captain, seeing the angry scowl still firmly etched on the man’s face. He didn’t want to do this, he preferred going unnoticed by Hook most of the time. But he was worried, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Steeling himself and pushing aside his fear, he approached Hook.
“Cap’n, sir? A word?” he managed to call without stammering.
“What, Mr. Jukes?” Hook snapped, still staring out at the island.
“Cap’n, is anyone gonna check on Miss Pan?”
Hook turned to glare at the boy. “Check on her, Mr. Jukes?”
Billy fought to not fidget under that stare. Fidgeting made Hook take you less seriously. “Well, sir, she’s been locked up since just after dawn. No one’s been in to give her any meals or water, and I can hear her sometimes calling out… I just came from down there and I think she’s crying.” He didn’t mention that he’d caught himself several times with his hand on the latch, his worry tempting him to defy Hook’s order and enter the room to see if she was alright.
Hook stared at the gunner, at a loss for which question to ask first. He clenched his fist angrily. “What were you doing down there, what is she calling out, and what do you MEAN, no one’s been to check on her?” he shouted, his volume increasing with every sentence.
Billy took a deep breath. “The cabin’s on my way to my work room, so I have to go by it a lot. Whenever I’d walk by her door, I could hear her. Sometimes she’s asking for water, or singing or calling you names. No one’s been in there ‘cause you said you’d hang us. We all figured you’d been sending Smee to take care of her, but when I heard her crying I went and asked him. He said you hadn’t told him to do anything for her.”
Hook’s irritation at himself increased tenfold. He realized he’d been brooding so much, and had been so steadfast in refusing to go down there again, that he’d forgotten that he’d forbidden anyone from seeing Pan. “Smee!” he called, catching his bosun’s attention. “I need to see to Pan. I want food and water for her consumption, plus a bucket of clean water and a washcloth. Leave them outside the door to her cabin.” With a wince, he remembered the small cuts he’d given her. “Bandages too, Smee.”
“Aye, Cap’n,” Smee said brightly as he left to comply.
“Mr. Jukes,” Hook growled, “do you know what she was crying about?”
“Aside from being hungry, thirsty, chained up, and confused about finding out she’s a girl, I have no idea, Cap’n,” Billy answered.
Hook raised his hand, barely restraining himself from slapping the insolent gunner. He regained control, but glowered at the boy even more darkly. As a general rule, he tried to keep his fists off the boy. Billy had been beaten enough for several young lives. “Because you seem so concerned about my prisoner, and because you apparently don’t have enough work to do, leaving you with plenty of time to worry about her, I’m making you her warden. From now on, you’ll bring her meals to her, and if she escapes, I’ll hold you personally responsible. And I promise you, you will be lashed then.” He grabbed the gunner by his vest and dragged him down to Pan’s cabin with him.
Billy winced, but stumbled along to keep up. He knew he was in trouble now. Pan would escape, she always managed to escape, so Billy knew he’d get a lashing sometime soon. But he wasn’t upset, not really. He was oddly happy at being given this responsibility. It gave him an excuse to talk to her. He’d never really spoken with Peter, not in anything resembling civility, and he wanted to try to start. He wanted to find out more about the fascinating girl, and he wanted her to see him as something other than a pirate. It would make the lashing worth it.
Peter sat in the corner, pressed as far as she could manage to get into it. The contact gave her a sense of reality and security. It kept anything that might come at her in the dark from sneaking up behind her… not that it really mattered. She was still blind as a bat. But it made her feel better anyway. “Just a dream. Just a bad dream…” she repeated softly, waiting for her pulse to slow. In her dream, she’d been back in KensingtonPark, hiding from a man that was hunting for her. She couldn’t remember who the man had been or why he’d wanted to hurt her, but she’d been terrified of him. Everywhere she’d hidden, he’d seen her. No matter how fast she’d run, he’d always caught up. The birds hadn’t been there to save her.
“Just a dream,” she said again, taking another deep breath. It was fading, and as the details of the nightmare became indistinct and the memory began to fade, Peter felt herself begin to calm. She smiled a bit, feeling a bit foolish. KensingtonGardens had been her beginning place, a haven of safety and peace. It’s where she’d learned magic was real. The birds there had told her tales of Neverland and given her their feathers for her bed. It was where Tink had found her, when Old Solomon had told her about the strange little boy that lived with them. No one can hurt me there! It was safer than Neverland.
Peter heard a noise so she turned to look in the direction the noise came from. “Quit your dawdling and open the door, you lummox!” came Hook’s voice.
“Finally,” Peter whispered, pulling the blanket around her shoulders and stood. While she was relieved that something was about to happen, she wasn’t so stupid as to think that Hook’s arrival was a good thing.
There was a rattle of keys at the door, then it was swinging wide. Light flooded the room, making Peter squeeze her eyes shut against the painful brightness. “Come in, Captain,” she called. “Make yourself at home. Care for some tea?”
Hook repressed a smile and stepped inside. He’d been afraid that he’d terrorized the girl too much this morning, especially after Billy said he’d heard her crying. “Sitting in the dark, Pan?”
“That’s what one does when they’ve been locked in a room with no light, Codfish,” Peter snapped.
Hook frowned and went to the sconce on the wall. The candle within it had never been lit. Stupid! I was too upset when I left and I forgot to leave her a light. Oh well, it’s probably the reason she hasn’t escaped yet. He lit the candle, in case he forgot again, then turned to the girl again. “Billy tells me you were crying. Are you in pain?”
Peter opened her eyes a crack and found that it was more bearable to see. “I wasn’t crying. I had a bad dream, and yes I hurt.”
Hook gestured for Billy to enter and shut the door. “Oh, Pan,” he said mockingly, “Did I scare you that badly? Do you often have nightmares about me?”
Peter laughed. “Why should I dream about an old codfish? I get enough of you when I’m awake, thank you.”
Hook shook his head. “You won’t goad me into fighting you, girl. I’m here to verify you’re fed and watered, and to make sure I didn’t injure you too badly before.” He glared at Billy and stepped back.
Billy tried not to look at Peter as he brought the tray of food forward. The girl was still Pan, and still dangerous. Plus, he didn’t want Hook to know he liked her in the slightest – it wouldn’t do to have the captain question his loyalties. He’d been able to explain his odd behavior to the crew as merely a reaction to seeing her nude (though that had been a strong influence). Continued interest would be suspicious. He already had enough danger in his life that his friendship with Slightly would be discovered.
“Here’s some of Cookson’s stew,” Billy said as he set the tray before her. “If it moves, it helps to close your eyes and chew really fast.”
Peter opened her eyes a bit more and peered into the bowl. “It looks like something a troll would eat… is that a fish head?”
Billy looked in the bowl and chuckled. “Cookson must like you, he thinks that’s the most nutritious part.”
“You really are trying to kill me, aren’t you, Captain,” Peter sneered, turning away from the soup.
“It won’t kill you, Pan,” Hook barked, his own stomach dismayed by the sight. “It’s what we’ll all be having for supper shortly.”
Peter glanced at Billy. “Come visit me after supper. If you’re still alive, I’ll eat it.”
“Trust me, its better to eat it hot,” Billy warned. “It gets really pasty, like glue, when it cools.”
Peter actually turned green. “No wonder it’s so easy to beat you pirates! Your cook’s poisoning you!”
“That’s enough,” Hook snapped. It was best to not discuss the food, because thinking about it too much made it impossible to keep down. “Eat now, eat later, or don’t eat at all… its all one to me. I’ve provided you with food and drink, so I’ve done what’s proper for a prisoner. I’ve better things to do than chit-chat, since you have nothing to tell me that’s useful. I won’t kill you until I’ve learned how you came to be female, and since you can’t tell me that, I have no use for you right now. Now, I want to make sure the cuts I gave you aren’t serious. I’m sure they’re not, but I have to verify that I didn’t overlook anything.”
Peter felt some relief that Hook wasn’t going to execute her yet. The reprieve gave her time to escape, and gave her friends time to find her. How much longer till they miss me? Surely at bedtime tonight… Wendy will be cross when I’m late and she’ll send Nibs and Slightly out to look for me. For once, she truly regretted all the times she’d come home late and laughed at Wendy when she’d scolded her for worrying them. If she hadn’t made a habit of disappearing, her friends would have come for her by now. Deciding to take advantage of Hook’s grudging good will, she stepped forwards. “Well, then, you can look at my back. Its really sore and my head hurts too.” She dropped her blanket off her shoulders, exposing her back and chest to the two pirates.
Billy gasped and quickly turned around. Hook rushed forward to grab the blanket, then quickly wrapped the girl back in it. “Odds, bobs, girl! Why aren’t you dressed yet?”
“Because you ripped up my clothes!” Peter snapped angrily, pushing away from the man.
Hook looked around, “Where is the dress I left for you?”
Peter flushed and backed up until she was in the corner again. “I’m not going to wear it.”
“Billy,” Hook growled, “Bring in the water and washcloth for Pan, then leave.”
Peter watched in concern as Billy returned with the bucket of water. “Are you going to attack me again?” she asked softly, not looking at Hook. “Will you throw me into the wall again, and sit on top of me, and cut me again? Just because I don’t want to wear that silly dress?”
Hook paused and glanced at Billy, a bit disconcerted at the question. The alarmed look his gunner flashed him increased his shame. With the shame came anger, and he kicked the pile of hay in frustration, sending the stuff flying about and uncovering the dress. “I won’t touch you, Pan,” he growled, “and you’ll put that on voluntarily. Until you do so, you will sit in here, naked. Give me your blanket.”
Peter looked at Billy again, though she knew better than to think the boy would help. Billy should have been her ally, he was only a little older than Slightly and could have been a Lost Boy, but for some reason he stayed with the pirates. Billy wouldn’t return her gaze, turning to leave instead. Peter glared at Hook again, remembering how he’d held her down and stripped her. She quickly threw the blanket at him. “I hate you,” she spat, trying to cover herself with her hands.
Hook averted his eyes when he caught the blanket. “I hate you too, girl. And I think I hate you more now that I know you’re a girl, because you have seriously complicated my ability to avenge myself upon you.” He turned and walked to the door, then paused in the opening. “When you become more obedient, I’ll have your injuries looked at. They’re not life-threatening, so they should keep just find. You really should get dressed. It can get quite cool down here in the night. Plus, if your friends come to rescue you, you don’t want to have to escape naked, do you?”
Peter glared at Hook as the man shut the door. When she heard the lock turn, she sat down and stared at the food. “I’d rather go naked than have my friends see me in a dress. And I’d rather starve than eat that!” She did, however, nibble on the hard, stale lump of bread and she drank all of the water. She tried to wash the cuts on her body with the damp cloth, but the water was cold, which made her colder. But she did manage to wrap some of them up in the bandages, which helped. Finally, Peter gathered up the hay again, laid the dress on top to keep the straws from poking her, then curled up on the pile and tried to go back to sleep, miserable.
Robert Mullins had been given the first night watch, and as he stood on the deck he glared at the door of the Captain’s cabin, lowly rattling off every foul name he could think of. Hook disliked Mullins more than any of his other men, a feeling which was more than mutual. After all, Robert Mullins had been an honest merchantman until he was pressed into piracy by James Hook. Mullins just knew that he’d been assigned the watch purely out of spite. “I tell ya, Billy, one day I’m gonna kill ‘em!”
“Robert,” Billy said, hiding his smile, “we all got up early to help with the trap. Everyone’s tired.”
“Yeah, but I had the second shift this morning! So it’s been a near whole day I been up. It’s inhuman to put me on watch.”
Who said Hook was human? “You had a nap when we got back,” Billy reminded the man.
“Five minutes don’t count!”
“Five hours!” Billy snapped. “I timed ya myself, and I woke ya for lunch. Deal with it, Robert, yer fresher than th’ rest of us. For once, the Cap’n ain’t bein’ hateful… he wouldn’t risk Pan escaping by putting an exhausted man on watch tonight.”
Mullins glared, but he didn’t argue any further, conceding Jukes’s point. “So if everyone’s tired, why are you still up?”
“I’m waiting,” Billy answered quietly, avoiding the man’s eyes.
“Billy, I told ya to break it off with that whelp. I don’t want ya killed fer associatin’ with him, and if was really yer friend, he’d leave ya be.”
“Slightly said the same thing, once. But if I’m really his friend, then I shouldn’t let him leave. He really doesn’t fit in with the Lost Boys sometimes, like I don’t really fit in here. We understand each other, and its nice to have someone my age to talk to.”
Mullins nodded, deciding he was too tired and grumpy to keep up the old argument. He didn’t like Slightly, but he really didn’t hate the kid either. He had vague recollections of the kid helping him when he was sick, a dream that Billy had told him was real. He understood that he owed that Lost Boy a debt, a debt he considered repaid by turning his head whenever he came to visit Billy. His biggest problem with Slightly was that his friendship with Billy could kill the young pirate if it was ever exposed. “Best go up then, so he don’t come down here and look for ya.”
Billy smiled and put his hand on the rigging, then paused. “Should I tell him we’ve got Pan?”
“Whatever for?” Mullins snapped.
“Well, I can find out if they knew Pan was a girl, and how long its been that way. Cap’n wants to talk to th’ pixie, and he can’t do that unless they know to come here.”
“When they find out, they’ll likely sneak aboard and spirit the brat away,” Mullins groused.
“That wouldn’t break my heart,” Billy muttered lowly.
But Mullins heard that little comment, and he grabbed the gunner’s arm and glared at the boy. “Have you completely gone over to their side? I don’t wanna be yer enemy, son, but if ya go turncoat, I won’t have a choice!”
Billy returned Mullins’s glare, angry that the man would suggest such a thing. “If you think so little of me as to believe I’d ever betray you, Robert Mullins, then you don’t care for me nearly as much as I thought you did!”
“Then why help Pan?”
“Because I have to know how long he’s been a she!” Billy hissed. “If Slightly can tell me, then I’ll know once and for all about myself.”
Mullins tightened his grip, “What are you sayin’, Billy? What’s Pan got to do with you?”
“You’re hurting me, let go!” Billy protested, trying to pull away.
“I’m gonna hurt ya more if ya don’t answer me, Billy!” Mullins growled, giving the boy a shake.
Billy kept struggling, unwilling to explain himself anymore. But when Mullins raised his hand to strike him, he felt his blood go cold. He stilled and glared at the man, furious. “Hit me then! If it’ll make ya feel better and leave me alone, then hit me!”
Mullins blinked, realizing what he’d been about to do. He let go of Billy in shock and lowered his hand. “You know I’d never hit ya, lad. I swore to ya I never would, and I keep my word.”
“You keep your word when it suits you, Robert, just like the Cap’n,” Billy said flatly. “You want to know why I need to find out about Pan? Fine! I need to find out if I’m a normal boy, or if I’m what you so fondly call a ‘filthy faggot’. From the first time I laid eyes on Peter Pan, I’ve felt an attraction to him. I thought he was beautiful and it scared me. I tried to ignore it, and I tried to lie to myself about it, but its only gotten stronger the longer we’ve been here. I hated him so much for making me feel like that, that I did everything I could to help Hook hunt him. I thought perhaps if he was dead, then the unnatural feelings and thoughts would go away. You’re the one that always said that men who liked men were disgusting abominations, and that if you ever found yourself on a ship with one ya’d sink him to Davey Jones. I couldn’t bear the thought that you’d turn against me, and I was so scared of what you thought, that I’ve been fighting this for years! And today I found out that Peter Pan, the boy that’s haunted me all this time, is really a girl. And I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my entire life!”
Billy took a deep breath, shaking as his anger faded. Robert just stared at him in shock, and Billy felt dread grown in his heart. He’ll hate me now, for sure. “I have to know if Peter’s really a girl that’s been pretending to be a boy, or if this is just fairy magic. If she turns into a boy again, I think it might just kill me, because if you don’t kill me for being queer, I’ll kill myself. I’d rather die than have you look at me like I’m filth.”
Robert knew he should speak, that he should say something to let Billy know that it was okay, to tell the boy that he could never hate him. But he couldn’t make his mouth work, and he couldn’t seem to draw enough air. Billy thought he was gay? He’s been scared I’d hate him. This isn’t a new crush on a girl he saw starkers, he’s been lustin’ after Pan this whole time! That’s sick! Mullins winced at that thought and turned away from the boy, ashamed of himself. By Pew’s deadlights, that’s exactly why he was scared to tell me. And what if it is magic, and Pan becomes male again? Do I tell him its okay? Can I tell him its okay?
Billy felt his heart break when Mullins turned his back on him. He hates me. With a sigh and a heavy heart, Billy began to climb the rigging, intent on keeping to his appointment with Slightly – who was now most likely the only friend he had left in the world.