Chapter 14 – Child of Wonder, Child of Light
Something cool and damp gently rubbed his face, bringing him awake all too quickly for comfort. Billy groaned, protesting his return to consciousness as he became aware of the pounding ache in his head and the vile, acrid taste in his mouth. He raised a hand to bat away the annoyance that had roused him.
“Wake up, boy,” a gruff voice commanded. “Wake up and lets get ya cleaned up, ya got puke all over yer vest.”
“Robert?” Billy called, opening his eyes a crack, fearful of what he’d see. Gone was the world of light and fire that had frightened him so much with its alien logic and beauty. Instead, he saw a scarred, mustached face peering down at him, the face he’d known and loved for many years. “Robert!” he said again, his voice filled with relief. He sat up quickly and threw himself against the man, latching his arms around him in a death-grip.
Mullins held the boy back just as fiercely, tears stinging in his eyes. He hadn’t cried for years and he was determined not to start now. But Billy for once had no such compunction, and his body shuddered with the force of his sobs. He’d been too hurt and too scared the past few days to care what anyone thought of his tears.
“It’s alright, lad, yer home now. Pan said you’d be back, but gods I was so worried! I tried ta stop ‘em, Billy, I tried to keep ‘em from takin’ ya. I’m sorry I let ya down,” Mullins babbled, knowing he was rambling but still somehow unable to stop. His last talk with the boy had been a nasty fight, and he’d regretted his words and actions ever since. He had so many things he needed to say now. “I love you, Billy. No matter what, I’ll always love you,” he murmured into the boy’s ear.
“Love you too,” Billy whispered back. He gradually calmed and relaxed his hold enough to wipe his face dry. He smiled when Mullins didn’t let go. “I’m okay,” he told the man. “Feels like I got a hangover and my mouth tastes like Cookson’s Tuesday night surprise, but I’m okay.” He looked up from the pirate’s shoulder and saw that he was in Hook’s cabin. “Where’d the angel go?” Alarm filled him as he remembered what he’d seen after she had saved him. “That fairy bastard didn’t take her, did he?”
“Angel?” Mullins repeated, confused.
Starkey tapped Billy on the shoulder and the gunner pried himself away from Mullins enough to turn around and see him. “Your angel lies yonder,” he said softly, pointing to the other side of the room.
Billy turned more and Robert released him just enough to allow the maneuver. He saw his captain sitting on the floor, holding a sleeping girl in his arms. Smee was fussing over her, dabbing a wet cloth to her lips. She looked strangely familiar, but he didn’t know any girls of his own age. “Who is she? What happened to her?”
“That’s the Lady Pan,” Starkey answered.
“What?” Billy nearly shouted, stunned. He could recognize her now, but he couldn’t believe it. She was too old. I haven’t been gone THAT long, have I?
Hook looked up sharply when he heard Billy’s exclamation. He nodded at the three pirates, and Billy thought he saw relief in the man’s eyes. “Take the boy to his bunk and check him over. Let me know when he’s had enough time to eat and compose himself. I wish to speak with him about what happened to him while he was gone and what it was that he saw about Pan that scared her so.”
Mullins got to his feet and pulled Billy up. The gunner swayed some, but he managed to keep his feet. “Can ya walk, lad?” Mullins asked.
“Aye, I can walk,” Billy answered, tearing his eyes from Peter to look up at his friend. “A good walk across the deck, a breath of fresh air, and a bit of sunlight is all this pirate needs to make him ship-shape.”
“Go below,” Hook ordered, “let Mullins look you over, eat, and then you can sit outside. Check Long Tom over, if you’re up to it. I’ll speak with you later.”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” Billy replied, relieved to be saying those words again. He hadn’t been afraid when he’d first found himself in the fairy castle. He’d been too busy trying to figure out what was wrong with Slightly, who strangely hadn’t been able to remember their conversation the night before. And once he’d begun to re-tell the boy his story about discovering Pan was a she, the other boys had listened and chimed in with their own questions. It was when Oberon had come to see them that he’d thought he was going to die… and later seriously wanted to.
“Mr. Jukes,” Hook snapped, making Billy freeze with apprehension. “Welcome back.”
“Aye, Cap’n, its good to be back,” Billy called, a little surprised by the welcome. He let Mullins usher him outside and instantly changed his mind about getting “a bit of sunlight.” The bright glare of the afternoon sun sent nails into his eyes, forcing him to close them and let Mullins lead him below.
“Steer clear of Hook, Billy,” Mullins growled. “He’s been in an unpredictable temper all day. And steer clear of Pan, too. She’s got a bad streak goin’ on, and it’s best not to let that rub off on ya.”
Billy nodded, deciding that Robert’s advice was sound. He appreciated Pan’s help and he felt awful for her after seeing what the magic was doing to her. But he’d had quite enough of fairies and magic, and he was determined to keep away from it and anyone that used it. No matter how pretty they were.
“Well, Smee?” Hook asked the old man softly. “Damage report on the girl.”
“Nasty scratches on ‘er neck, I’ll have ta put somethin’ on ‘em ta clean ‘em,” Smee muttered. He pointed to her bloody lip, which was beginning to swell. “Bit ‘er lip and that’s where th’ blood’s comin’ from, which eases me old heart.” But then he shook his head. “Worst damage is to th’ back o’ ‘er head. Nice goose-egg there, and she’s likely ta have addled her wits. Won’t know fer sure till we wake her, and once she’s up we need ta keep ‘er up.”
Hook lightly slapped Peter’s face, trying to bring her around, but Smee grabbed his wrist. “Think th’ lass’s head’s suffered enough, Cap’n.” Ignoring Hook’s scowl, he doused a cloth with whiskey and chuckled. “If this don’ wake ‘er, nothin’ will. An’ if it don’t, she’s hurt worse’n I thought.”
Smee draped the alcohol-soaked cloth across Peter’s neck. As soon as the liquid touched the scratches, the girl jerked in Hook’s arms. She gave a cry of shock, her eyes fluttering open and her hands coming up to pull the cloth from her throat. The bosun intercepted her, taking her hands gently in his own and pulling them away. “Let it do its work, lass.”
“Take it off,” Peter moaned weakly, trying to focus her eyes on something.
“It’s cleaning your wounds, Kitten,” Hook said gently.
“No,” she insisted, “Collar… take it off.”
“It’s what keeps you here, and it’s what keeps you from fighting me. The collar stays around your neck,” Hook answered. Until I find out from Jukes what he saw, and then I’ll decide what to do about it. I don’t even know IF I can remove it.
Peter giggled softly, her eyes slipping closed. She was so tired and her throbbing head made it hard to think. “Same ol’ Codfish,” she murmured. “Same selfish, cruel, stuck-up ol’ Codfish.”
“Keep ‘er awake, Cap’n,” Smee warned, seeing that she was drifting off.
Hook sat Peter up, his claw arm supporting her back as she sat in his lap. Peter’s head lolled forward, her chin coming to rest on her chest, so the man tilted it back before giving her earlobe a sharp pinch.
“Ow!” Peter protested, her eyes opening again. She looked at Hook’s face, inches from her own. “I thought th’ leash was s’posed to keep you from hurtin’ me,” she groused, staring at an interesting spot on the side of Hook’s face.
“I only pinched you, girl,” Hook chided. Her speech was becoming thicker and more slurred, and it concerned him. “Wake up, Kitten, keep your eyes open.”
“Tha’ had ta smart,” she said, giggling again. Weakly, her hand came up to rest on his cheek, her fingers a mere inch from the stitched-up gash near his temple. “S’were I hitcha?”
“Aye,” Hook replied, frowning. “You’ve wounded me worse, though.” He felt a flare of anger at that as he once more remembered who this was in his arms. She was his enemy and his prisoner and it upset him that he kept forgetting it was this girl that had tormented him nonstop since he first arrived in Neverland. “You addled my wits with that chain and I’m fine now. So buck up and wake up, Pan!”
“Tired,” Peter whispered, letting her fingers trail down the man’s cheek and jaw to fall back into her lap. “Take a nap.”
“Peter, if you don’t stay awake, you could die,” Hook growled, becoming frustrated.
“Don’ care,” she murmured, closing her eyes. They fluttered briefly when Hook pinched her again. “Sod off, ‘Fish,” her voice was so low that the two men barely understood her. But barely was enough to snap Hook’s patience.
“Sod off?” he repeated incredulously, his anger kindling. He shook the girl roughly, making her whimper as her head rocked back and forth. “I’m trying to help you and you have the impertinence to tell me to ‘sod off’? You worthless…”
“Cap’n!” Smee shouted, pulling the girl from Hook’s grasp. “Yer gonna kill ‘er yerself!”
Whatever hateful thing Hook was about to retort with died on his lips as Peter began to wail. Her hands came up to clutch at the back of her head even as her legs curled up against her chest, tucking herself into a small ball in Smee’s arms. The throbbing in her head was unbearable, and it was an all-too-familiar pain.
“Don’ hit me again! Please, don’ hit me! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to break the bowl, I’m sorry! Please!” She could hear the hateful voice railing at her, calling her terrible things and blaming her existence for all his troubles. He’d hit her and all she knew was the pain. Don’t move, don’t fight, let him finish and go or he’ll hurt me worse, she remembered; but when his hand closed on her shoulder, she jerked away and screamed. There was a flash of something – not pain, more of a feeling of being suddenly cut off from the world – and lovely numb blackness enfolded her. Distantly, she heard a woman singing and she let herself drift in the darkness, the lullaby comforting her and making everything else go away.
Hook opened his eyes when Starkey began dripping the cold water on his face. He tasted blood from where he’d bitten his tongue and his whole body ached. Despite the discomfort and disorientation, he took Starkey’s hand and sat up. He was about six feet from where he had previously been sitting. “By Barbecue’s whiskers, what happened?” Smee sat with Pan in his arms, staring at him in shock. Peter lay limp and quiet, her face deathly pale.
“I believe you crossed the line with that collar,” Starkey observed as he handed his captain a cloth to wipe the blood from his mouth. “You reached for her when she was upset and it reacted… I think.”
“Ta be sure,” Smee added, his voice shaky. “I felt it meself – a strange stingin’ and pricklin’ in me arms, comin’ from th’ lass. She were mighty scared from ya shakin ‘er, and when ya touched ‘er again, ‘twas a bright flash and crack. Swearin’ it were like lightnin’ hit ya and threw ya back. An’ now me skin’s all prickly with goosebumps.” He looked down at Peter and shook his head. “We lost th’ wee lass, Cap’n.”
“Lost her?” Hook repeated, feeling a cold hand clench his gut. He looked to Peter again, seeing how pale and still she was. I killed her? No, don’t let her have died.
Smee saw his captain’s distress and saw how he stared at the girl. “Aye, Cap’n, we lost ‘er. She fainted dead away when ya got hit an’ there’s no wakin’ ‘er now. We needs ta watch ‘er ‘till she wakes again, and try ta keep ‘er up next time.”
“Wakes?” Hook repeated, realizing that he was sounding a lot like his parrot. “She’s alive?”
“Oh, aye,” Smee answered with a small smile. “Alive, but still asea. Ya hurt ‘er more, Cap’n, shakin’ ‘er when she’d taken a knock like that.”
“Never thought I’d ever see James Hook abuse a seriously injured little girl,” Starkey mumbled from across the room. He’d resumed cleaning up Jukes’s vomit, and was subsequently in an unhappy mood. Unfortunately, he didn’t think that anyone heard his rebellious comment.
Hook flushed at Starkey’s words, but he was momentarily too relived that Pan was still alive to respond. Instead, he stood up and straightened his coat, brushing at the imaginary dust on it. “Smee, take Pan to her cabin and sit with her. If she doesn’t wake in four hours, have Mullins sit with her. I want four hour rotations of watches on her until she’s recovered. She isn’t to be left alone for an instant and I’m to be notified if she wakes.
“Aye, aye,” Smee responded. He stood slowly, lifting Peter up as he rose. The girl was somewhat taller than him now, making carrying her an awkward task. But Smee had a wiry strength to him that always surprised people, and once he had her settled in his arms he carried her with no effort.
Once the old man and his patient were gone, Hook turned to Starkey. The pirate had just finished cleaning and stood with his back to him, wiping his hands. “You showed good form and courage before that pompous pixie, Mr. Starkey,” Hook said amiably, putting his claw on the surprised man’s shoulder in a companionable gesture. “You made me proud.”
“Thank you, Captain,” Starkey answered, standing up straighter. But his heart sank when Hook jerked him close and brought the sharp tip of his claw against his throat.
“But you had best put that backbone away when speaking to or about me,” Hook hissed in his ear, “else I will rip your spine out and beat your head in with it. And you will never criticize how I deal with Pan again. Am I clear?”
“C-c-crystal, C-captain,” Starkey stuttered, feeling a warm drop trickle down his neck from where the point had effortlessly broken his skin.
“Excellent,” Hook snapped, pushing the man away. “Clean up the rest of this room, then swab all the decks.” With that, Hook strode out of his cabin to stand by the railing. He stared out over Neverland, glaring as if he dared its denizens to show themselves. He’d never really cared for the hellish place, but now he hated it with a passion. Then why stay? I have my man back, and I have Pan, so why stay?
Billy ate quietly while Mullins talked, listening to the man as he filled him in on what had happened while he was gone. From time to time the older pirate would stop speaking and just stare at him with a small smile on his lips, then shake his head and continue talking. Despite his headache, Billy felt good. He really does love me, he missed me and he’s happy I’m back. It was wonderful to see that love and concern stamped so plainly on the man’s normally sour face. For the first time since he was very small, Billy knew someone loved him. He’d always known Mullins cared, and that the man liked him well enough, but to see that the man loved him was his most secret wish come true. Even the taste of Cookson’s lunch-leftovers couldn’t quell the insane happiness the boy felt right now.
“I missed you, Robert,” Billy said when Mullins finished. “I knew I’d be back, but when they changed my eyes…” Billy shivered, “I really wanted to die and make it all go away. I thought I was going insane at first; if I had gone mad, it would at least have stopped bothering me.”
“Pan helped ya?” Mullins asked, remembering how Billy had called her his angel.
The gunner nodded. “Somehow she made everything look right. It was still different and made me sick, but I could understand it.” He pushed the plate away and rubbed his aching head. “Shot and shale, Robert, I wish I hadn’t understood it, ‘cause it scares the hell outta me.”
“What did ya see?” Mullins asked, knowing it would help the boy to talk.
“Wait for th’ Cap’n,” Billy answered. “I only wanna say it once, and then I wanna forget about it.”
“I’m here, Mr. Jukes,” Hook announced as he strode into the room.
“Figures ya’d come in when someone said yer name,” Mullins growled, still a little spooked by Hook’s ability to appear whenever someone was either talking about him or doing something they didn’t want him to see. For the superstitious pirate, the saying “Speak of the devil” was more than appropriate for Hook.
The captain raised his eyebrow at the man as he sat at the head of the small table. But he soon turned his attention to Billy, the reason for his visit. “I understand you’ve been through quite a trial, lad, which is why this once I’ll give you a request instead of an order. I wish to leave Neverland as soon as we’re ship-shape, so I need all of my men making repairs and gathering supplies. Are you up to returning to your duties today?”
Billy frowned, considering. “My headache won’t kill me, Cap’n, and it’ll be a welcome distraction to return to work. But I don’t think we should leave Neverland.”
“Are you questioning me, Mr. Jukes?” Hook growled.
“No, Cap’n, just advising,” Billy explained hastily. “You obviously got something planned for Miss Pan, else she wouldn’t still be alive right now. Mullins told me a little of what you’ve told the crew, so I gather you want to keep her.” When Hook nodded, Billy continued. “From what I saw, I think if you leave Neverland with her, she’ll die. And that’s supposing that the fairies even let you leave with her. They need her until they can replace her, so I doubt they’d let her go.”
“What did you see, Mr. Jukes?” Hook asked. “Whatever it was, it upset you enough to goad you into brazenly attacking the fairy king. Tell me what it was.”
Billy rubbed his head again. “I don’t quite know how to explain it right. There’s nothing in the normal world that I can compare it to… you have to see it to understand, and understanding hurts the hell out of your sanity. But I’ll try. I could see magic, see it like it was something solid… and it is solid, if you know how to touch it. The whole world was dark, just shades of grey… but the magic was every color and no color ever seen by mortals before.” He closed his eyes a moment and shrugged helplessly. “Makes my head hurt trying to describe it. But I could see more than magic. I could see souls. I saw you, Starkey and Peter, and I saw you as souls.”
“Mine was as black as pitch, I warrant,” Hook muttered.
“No,” Billy mused, thinking back. “Surprisingly, not. You glowed, just like Starkey. It was like seeing a ghost, or a statue made of diamond under a bright light. But Peter… I didn’t know her, she looked so different. She was… radiant.” Billy’s eyes became distant and a dreamy smile lit his face. “The magic around her was unbelievable, like she wore robes of light. And she was a part of everyone and everything in Neverland – even part of us. I can’t even begin to do her justice, and to try would only belittle what she is.”
“And what is she?” Mullins pressed.
“She’s Neverland… but that’s not quite right. She’s so much a part of Neverland that you can’t tell where one ends and the other starts. She’s magic incarnate, her breath is Neverland’s wind, her blood its rivers, her mind its life. She has powers greater that any fairy’s and she could destroy every man on this ship with a thought… but she doesn’t. She doesn’t use her power at all. She’s too innocent and naďve to care about power.” Billy paused, his frown deepening. “She’s dying.”
“The collar?” Hook supplied, remembering that Billy had pointed at it when he’d challenged Oberon. ‘Take it off! It’s killing her!’
“It’s cut her off from the island. Seeing it made me think of tying a rope around your arm so tight that it cuts off the blood-flow. After a bit yer arm goes numb. Keep it there and eventually it dies. But with her… she can’t live without the island and it can’t live without her. If feeds off her imagination, and gives her back the power inside her. And she can’t live without that power… the Gift, Oberon called it. But the collar’s cut the flow off between her and Neverland, and between her and everything else she was connected to, and now both her and the island are magically starving to death. But it’s truly horrible to see it, it looks so painful. And the real horror is that it’s not just killing her, its poisoning her soul. What happens to you if your very soul gets sick and dies?”
The three pirates sat in silence for a few moments in contemplation. “Nothing,” Mullins murmured at last. “Nothing happens to you, ‘cause then there’s nothing of you left.”
Hook stood, his face drawing up in anger. “I’m going to rip that damned thing off her neck.”
“It’s booby-trapped, Cap’n,” Billy warned. “I don’t know what all it does, but I know it won’t let ya take it off, not without some serious magic on yer side. The king said they wouldn’t let her die of it, and it’s a slow death if they do. There’s time yet to figure out what to do; maybe when Miss Pan wakes up she’ll be able to tell us. And if one of the Lost Boys can be Pan, they’ll take her power and let her go. But if you rush in there and try to do somethin’ drastic, it could kill you.”
Hook growled, his basic instincts warring with one another: his instinct for survival versus his protectiveness of his property. And as far as he was concerned, Pan was his property now. She’d been given to him for safe keeping, and possession was nine-tenth’s of the law. After a long moment, Billy’s rationality won out and the Captain sat back down at the table. I’ll wait, then. But Pan is mine, and no one will harm her but me. The collar is useful now; it keeps her under control. She won’t die of it yet, and for now I’ll take advantage of the control it gives me over her. Oberon promised her to me, and I’ll make sure she’s safe and whole when he hands her over for keeps.
“So what now, Cap’n?” Mullins asked.
“We wait until Miss Pan recovers, and we’ll take it from there,” Hook answered. Other than that, I haven’t the slightest clue.