Chapter 4 – Billy’s Bet
Billy didn’t have to wait long before Slightly joined him in the crow’s nest. Usually, the blonde liked to sneak up on him and scare him, but since they were meeting up high and a start could cause Billy to fall, Slightly refrained from giving in to the urge. Instead, he came from a direction that the gunner was sure to see and alighted in the nest with a smile.
“Hey!” he said quietly. “Look, I slightly can’t stay long. Peter didn’t come home, so I need to know if he’s here. If he’s not, I have to go find him,” he paused when he saw how Billy sat with his head down, rubbing his upper arm slowly. “Are you okay?”
Billy looked up then and Slightly felt his worry increase when he saw that his friend was crying. “I’ll be alright. Robert and I had an argument, is all.” He gave his arm another rub, wincing at the soreness from where Mullins had gripped him. “Slightly, sit and listen to me; we need to talk.”
“But Peter…” Slightly felt torn between his two friends, an all too common feeling. He was worried about Peter, but Billy never cried and let you see it. If his friend was this upset, then something was wrong. “Peter can take care of himself. I’m sure he’s okay, probably having an adventure and slightly forgot to come home. What’s wrong?” Slightly sat facing his friend, trying to smile reassuringly.
“We caught Peter Pan today…” Billy began, but he was cut off when Slightly jumped up.
“He’s here?” Slightly hissed, relief and new worry mingling in his heart. “I gotta go tell Nibs so we can rescue him…” he paused when Billy grabbed his hand. He saw something unreadable in the dark boy’s eyes; it looked like worry. “What’s wrong?” Slightly asked tremulously as he let the boy pull him to sit back down. “Hook – Hook didn’t hurt him, did he? Peter’s not dead…”
“No,” Billy said quickly, realizing he’d worried his friend. “Peter’s fine, just a few scratches and some bruises. She’s in a cabin below, and Hook isn’t planning to kill her right now.”
“Her? Her who? Wendy’s at home,” Slightly stammered, confused.
“Peter Pan,” Billy answered.
“Billy, are you feeling okay? Peter’s more than slightly a boy.”
“No, she’s not,” Billy replied softly but firmly. He saw the blonde was about to argue again, so he held up his hand and kept his eyes locked on Slightly’s green orbs. “We laid a trap at that waterfall you and yer friends bathe at. Early this morning, we sprung it on Pan. We all saw her naked, Slightly. Trust me, Peter Pan is definitely a girl.”
Slightly stared at Billy for a moment while his brain tried to process this information. “But… that’s slightly impossible… you’re playing a joke, right?” The boy’s eyes narrowed in anger. “That’s not funny, Billy! I get laughed at enough by the Lost Boys without you doing it too!”
“I’m not trying to trick you!” Billy hissed, trying to calm his friend. “I’d never make you look foolish, Slightly. I’d never hurt you like that just so I could get some laughs.” He sighed, feeling dread well up in his heart. Slightly had been with Peter longer than any other Lost Boy. And if Slightly hadn’t known… her gender was either magically changed or it was the best kept secret in Neverland. “I saw her, Slightly. I saw her a few times, up close! Do you know what makes girls and boys different?”
“Of course!” Slightly said quickly, blushing a bit in the moonlight. “We have parts that girls don’t have… our private parts are different.”
“Have you ever seen a girl’s private part?”
Slightly flushed even more. “No… but… Hard-to-Hit saw his sister lots of times when they were younger. He told me and Curly what she looked like. Tink got awfully upset and told Chief Panther. Hard-to-Hit got in trouble.”
“Have you ever seen Peter naked?” Billy pressed.
“No,” Slightly answered quietly, thinking.
“No?” Billy was surprised. He was already quite depressed, because if Slightly knew the difference, then surely he’d have noticed that Peter was different, unless of course Peter had been a boy before. “Isn’t that odd? A group of boys living together, and you’ve never even seen by accident?”
“Shorts always stay on,” Slightly answered softly, “Tink made it a rule before even I got here, and Peter’s always made us stick to it.” He fully believed that Billy was telling the truth and that somehow Peter was now a girl. “What has Peter gotten himself into? Maybe he slightly pissed off a pixie and she cast a spell.”
“Or she’s been a girl this whole time and Tinker Bell’s been hiding it.”
Slightly frowned and shook his head. “Tink’s sneaky enough, but not Peter… not for this long. Peter would slightly never lie to us, especially about something like that.”
“Pan thinks she’s a he. She doesn’t even know how boys and girls are different… no one’s ever taught her.”
“Let me see him,” Slightly asked. “I can help him escape and we can change him – her – back.”
“I can’t, cully,” Billy answered, “me and Hook are the only ones with keys, and if Pan gets out, he’ll know it was me. He isn’t going to hurt her, he’s too curious,” Billy tried to reassure Slightly. “He wants to talk to Tinker Bell. Have her come in the morning.”
Slightly thought for a little while, trying to figure out how to tell the Lost Boys where Peter was without anyone figuring out that Billy had tipped him off. “Mr. Mullins will be slightly angry if the Lost Boys show up an hour after we talked, won’t he?”
Billy nodded. “I crossed the line by telling you, cully. Hook could hang me as a spy.”
Slightly sighed. “I’ll tell them I overheard a conversation… ask Tink about Peter being a girl. Nibs and Wendy are out looking too, so it’ll be awhile before we can mount a rescue party… I know!” Slightly’s eyes lit up. “I’ll tell ‘em the pirates are slightly expecting us tonight, ‘cause they saw me. We’ll wait until morning to come. Everyone’s sleepy anyway and Wendy will think it’ll be safer when its daylight. You sure Hook won’t hurt Peter tonight?”
“He’s had plenty of time to kill Peter already,” Billy pointed out.
Slightly nodded and clasped hands with the gunner. “I’ve gotta go. Please, if something happens before we come back, please protect Peter. If he gets hurt because I left him here on your word, I’ll never forgive myself.”
“I’ll protect Pan, I promise,” Billy said, nodding. The blonde smiled at him and lifted into the air. With a silent wave, Slightly flew back to the underground home.
When Billy was back on the deck, he went straight below to find his bunk. He hadn’t gotten the answers he needed. In fact, he felt worse. Mullins knew the truth now and the man had taken it badly. The Lost Boys thought Peter was male, and Billy couldn’t see how they all could have been kept in the dark about something like that. So Pan’s really a boy, and that mean’s I’m gay. What do I do? Now he also had the burden of his promise to protect Peter. He had no idea of how to do that without being seen as a traitor. What do I do? Damn you, Pan! You’ve ruined my life!
Peter slept fitfully, too cold to be able to relax, not to mention the small comfort the pile of hay afforded her. She wasn’t freezing, but it was chill enough to keep her shivering and awake. I wish I had a fireplace, she thought when she finally gave up on sleeping. A nice, warm fire to curl up next to… Peter’s eyes widened and she glanced up at the sconce on the wall. The candle was low, having burned all night, but it still burned.
“Fire,” Peter whispered. Her delight increased when she floated to the candle and was able to reach it, despite the chain. “Now what can I build a fire with?” She looked at the wooden walls appraisingly. If she could find some loose boards, maybe… then she remembered the dress. “Perfect!”
Plagued with nightmares and waking terrors, Billy slept very little that night. He had recurring dreams that Mullins led the denizens of Neverland in a lynch mob, chasing him around the island as they called him horrible names. Invariably he was caught and his death sentence was pronounced by a very beautiful woman who looked like Peter Pan might, if she aged about ten years and dressed feminine. They’d hang him, and the woman, laughing, would lift her skirts to show her manhood as he strangled to death. After the fourth time he dreamed this, Billy had had enough. He got out of his hammock, and judging by the fact that the night watch were all asleep in their hammocks and Smee was gone, deduced that it was close enough to muster time anyway to justify staying awake.
Smee was an insomniac, a habit he’d likely gotten from Hook (or maybe the fact the old man didn’t require much sleep was what made him so compatible to the Captain). The old bugger was always the first up and usually stoked the kitchen fire to make coffee before Cookson rose to fix breakfast. Coffee sounded good to Jukes, so he fumbled his way to the kitchen. He found the bosun already at the table, nursing a cup of the black liquid, and he was soon sitting across the table from Smee with a steaming cup of his own. Once he’d cleared the cobwebs enough to think, he looked up to see the old man smiling at him.
“Bad dreams, lad?” Smee asked.
Billy nodded, “Ain’t been this bad since I joined the Roger.”
Smee patted the boy’s hand affectionately. “Ya gets tired later, lad, come see me. I’ll give ya a ‘duty’ that’ll let ya slip off fer a nap an’ no one th’ wiser.”
“Thanks,” Billy smiled. He doubted he’d take the man up on his offer, but it was a nice gesture. “I’m gonna go see if Pan’s up. I’m bettin’ she didn’t sleep so well, either. Could be she’s ready for breakfast.”
“Take ‘er some o’ th’ coffee, lad, an’ a blanket,” Smee suggested. “She can cover herself in it while yer there, let ‘er warm up fer a bit. Mayhap ya can talk some sense inta her an’ get ‘er ta put th’ frock on.”
“I’ll try,” Billy said, though his tone indicated he doubted he could talk Pan into doing anything. But he prepared a tray with two cups of coffee, one heavy with milk, and some biscuit, cheese, fruit, and large glass of water. On his way to the cabin, he snagged an extra blanket and was soon unlocking Pan’s door.
He nearly dropped the tray when he opened the door and saw what Peter was about to do. “STOP!” he yelled, putting the tray down and running across the room. Peter sat by a small pile of wood bits, and Billy could see the dress was on the bottom of the pile. She was about to touch the candle flame to the cloth and set the thing ablaze.
Peter looked up in surprise when she heard Billy shout. She thought it was odd that she hadn’t noticed him at the door, but that and all other thought fled her mind when she saw him racing towards her. Anticipating an attack, she blindly grabbed a piece of wood and made ready to fight. Instead of hitting her, Billy kicked the pile of wood, scattering the pieces about the room.
“Hey!” Peter protested, but the fury in the gunner’s eyes intrigued her. She couldn’t recall ever seeing Jukes this upset.
“Are you OUT of your MIND?” Billy shouted. Calm down, I don’t want to wake anyone else up. “What possessed you to try to start a fire?” he continued in a quieter voice.
“I was cold,” Peter growled petulantly. “I just wanted to be able to go to sleep and not be cold.”
Jukes rolled his eyes and threw the blanket to the girl. “A seaman’s greatest fear is fire. Ever been on a burning ship, cully? If the fire can’t be put out, and when it gets goin’ good it can’t, ya got two choices: burn or drown.”
“I’ve made fires before,” Peter snapped as she wrapped up in the blanket. “I know how to do it right.” She perked up a bit when Billy retrieved the tray and set it before her. Snatching up an apple, Peter tore into it greedily.
Billy noted the congealed mass still in the bowl from last night, the only meal Peter had been given the day before. “Finish this and I’ll bring ya more. Ever have coffee before?” When Peter shook her head, her mouth too full to answer aloud, Billy smiled. “It’s bitter, but I added some milk for ya to help a bit. It’s hot too, so it’ll warm ya and wake ya up.” He took his own cup and nursed it while he watched Peter eat. “Don’t try to build a fire again. If you fell asleep and it spread, by the time you woke up you’d be on fire.” He pointed to her foot under the blanket. “Even if ya got the chain off, yer locked in here. You’d be cooked afore we even knew there was a fire.”
Peter’s eyes widened at Billy’s warning, but she didn’t stop eating her breakfast. When at last the food was gone and her stomach was complaining happily, she sat back with her own cup of coffee. “Alright, no fire. Can I keep the blanket?”
“Sorry, no. I think I’m gonna be in trouble if Cap’n sees me socializing with ya now, and if I leave the blanket it’ll be worse.”
“I hate him,” Peter spat, picking up her makeshift club again. “I’m going to kill him.”
“Where’d you get that, anyway?” Billy asked, looking around the room in confusion. Pan giggled and pointed up, so Billy looked at the ceiling and beheld the hole where pieces of planks had been broken away.
“Mason’s gonna shit when he sees that.”
“Codfish won’t be happy to see how much of his ship’s rotted,” Peter whispered playfully. She was immensely pleased with herself for discovering the weakened ceiling. “Mason should learn to look up.”
Billy gazed at the dazzling smile on Peter’s face. If she was more my age… and really a girl… “You really are pretty,” he murmured.
Peter’s delight turned to annoyance, and she raised the wood like a club. “I’m warning you, Mr. Jukes. I’m tired of this stupidity. I’m not a girl.”
“How do you know?” Billy asked, ignoring the makeshift weapon.
Peter paused, taken aback. “Wh- how…” she sputtered. “I just know! I’ve always been a boy. My name’s Peter, not Petunia!”
Billy snorted and tried not to laugh. “Petunia… no, that doesn’t fit ya at all.” He got an idea, though, and looked at Peter again, dead serious. “How about a bet? I’ll bet you I can prove you’re a girl. If I lose, you keep the blanket. If I win, you’ll put on the dress and accept the fact that you’re a girl.”
Peter cocked her head to the side and thought. I know I’m a little boy, and I’ll get to keep the blanket. “It’s a deal, Mr. Jukes. Prove it.”
Billy went back to the door and closed it, praying that no one would walk in on them. “Okay. I’m only doing this because I kind of like you and I know yer miserable. Please promise you won’t tell anyone I did this.”
Peter nodded, her interest increasing at Billy’s obvious discomfort. “Is this some kind of secret? I promise I won’t tell.”
Billy sighed and returned the nod. This had seemed like a great idea a few moments ago. Now he was getting cold feet. “Okay. I’m gonna show you what boys have that’s different from girls. It’s what you don’t have that clued us all in to you bein’ a girl.” At Peter’s impatient but curious nod, Billy untied the string of his pants and let them drop to the floor.
Peter stared in dumbfounded amazement when she saw Billy standing naked before her. That… I don’t have… Hook said boys and girls were different under their clothes. “All boys… look like that?” Peter squeaked, panic beginning to fill her. It’s not right, it can’t be true…
Billy nodded, trying to quell his discomfort. Peter was staring at him intently and the boy was suddenly very self-conscious. But he repressed the urge to cover himself and turn away. She needed a good look so she could finally understand what they’d been trying to tell her. “All boys look like this… more or less. It’s a requirement.”
“Oh,” Peter said softly, her hand straying to her own groin. She had nothing that even remotely resembled that.
Billy pulled up his pants, deciding that was enough exposure for now. He couldn’t take the embarrassment, and he just knew Hook would come down here as soon as he woke up. “Don’t say anything, okay? I’ll get in big trouble.”
Peter nodded. “I won’t tell,” she whispered and closed her eyes. How can this be? What will everyone say? But I’m still me, right? The fear increased, fear of how her friends would react when they found out. A hand closed on her shoulder and she jumped, giving a sharp cry. Billy was there, staring at her in concern, and she felt her panic begin to fade. She’d deal with this later, when she was free. Right now she was in the company of pirates and fear would get her killed.
“Are you okay?” he asked. She’d seemed terrified, and the thought of Peter Pan being afraid of anything alarmed the gunner.
“Oh, yeah,” Peter whispered shakily. “I’m fine. So I’m a girl, big deal.” She drew a breath, forcing away the urge to cry. “You won, you proved it. Give me the dress.”
Billy retrieved the yellow dress and handed it to the obviously shaken girl. “I’m sorry,” he said as he stood with his back to her. “I know it must be upsetting to find out you’re wrong about something like that. But I didn’t want to see you and the Cap’n fight anymore about it, when it’s so easy to prove. Cap’n would die afore he exposed himself to a girl.”
Peter stared at the dress, trying to figure out how she was supposed to put it on. She found the buttons in the back and unfastened them, then pulled it over her head like a shirt. “I guess we’re even, now,” she said as she adjusted the waist and slipped her arms into the shoulder straps. “You saw me naked, now I’ve seen you.” She fumbled at the buttons, but couldn’t reach right to fasten them herself. “Um, Mr. Jukes? Would you help me?”
Billy turned and his breath caught at the sight of her. The dress wasn’t so bad when it was worn and it actually looked pretty. The hem fell to below her knees, kept a bit billowed by the petticoats that were a part of the skirt. She looked lovely in it, and Billy couldn’t help but grin awkwardly. Then Peter put her fists on her hips, her body shifted into an angry stance, and she sneered at the pirate. Suddenly, she seemed very much like a thin, gangly little boy that had been unwillingly put into a dress.
“Sorry,” he muttered and stepped behind her to button up the dress. He noted the bruises across her back and winced. No wonder she couldn’t reach to do this herself. He tied the yellow bow in the back and stepped away. “I guess you’ll do,” he said dryly as he took another look at her.
“Good,” Peter snapped, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders again. “My feet are still cold,” she looked pointedly at her boots sitting by the door, out of her reach.
Billy retrieved them for her and picked up the tray. “Well, you should be warmer now. Try to get some more sleep. I’ll see you at lunch.” With another glance at the girl, Billy left.
She held herself together for a full five seconds after she heard the lock turn. But when she felt that Billy was safely out of hearing, the strength left her legs and she sat on the hay with a sob. It wasn’t right to her that she could be a girl. Wendy was a girl. Tiger Lily was a girl. I’m nothing like them… I’m like Nibs and Slightly… Her world had very few rules, most of which she generally ignored, but there was a difference between rules and truth. And Billy’s bet had just proved that some of the truths her world was based on were lies. How could this happen? How could I not know? Surely someone knew? What will Wendy think? What will my Lost Boys think? Will they be angry? How could I not know? Why didn’t anyone tell me? The questions kept coming, flooding her with uncertainty and fear. What else in her life was a lie?
Calm down. I’m still me. I’m still Peter Pan… she faltered then. ‘Peter’ was a boy’s name. Is my name really ‘Peter’? Why would a mother name her daughter ‘Peter’? Who am I? What’s my real name? I’m so lost. Why didn’t anyone TELL ME? The tears came then, bursting from her in agonizing sobs. Confusion, frustration, fear, anger, shame… they broke down her defenses and her fragile calm, flooding her senses until she lay weeping on the hay, aware only of her misery and despair.
When Hook opened the door to the cabin, he was more than a little stunned by what he saw. He was delighted to see Peter was wearing the dress, counting that concession as a victory on his part. He was filled with glee to see Peter crying, enjoying anything that gave the brat pain and grief. But seeing the little girl weeping also touched a soft spot in his breast, and he felt a budding concern for her. Unable to decide if he should laugh at her or comfort her, he stood silent, closing the door behind him softly while he waited to see if the pirate or the gentleman within him won out.
When Peter’s sobs worsened into hysterics and she began to retch from their force, Hook’s better half won the battle. Running to the girl, he snagged the bucket and managed to lean her over it just as her breakfast began coming up.
Peter couldn’t remember ever feeling so miserable. She was rarely ever sick, and was sure she could count on one hand the number of times she’d ever vomited. She decided she hadn’t been missing anything spectacular and vowed that the next time one of the Lost Boys got ill, she wouldn’t tease them or laugh. Please make it stop and I’ll even wipe their foreheads and feed them soup like Wendy does, she prayed as she continued to dry heave for a while after her stomach was empty. Something damp and cold brushed across her face, dabbing gently at her mouth. She opened her eyes and saw the bucket below her face, and the sight coupled with the smell made her gag again. Turning her head, she saw the black pants and coat of the man kneeling beside her and became aware of the arm around her waist, helping to hold her up.
“Words can not express how much I want to kill you right now, Captain,” Peter moaned, her voice scratchy in her burning throat.
Hook let go of Peter and handed her the glass of water. “Don’t blame me for your hysterics, girl,” he growled. “I did nothing to cause this.”
Peter took a mouthful of water to rinse the acrid taste out, then spit into the bucket. She sat back carefully and gingerly swallowed some of the cool liquid, savoring how it cooled her burning throat. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be a boy and I wouldn’t have to wear this stupid dress!”
“If it wasn’t for me, you’d still think you were a boy, but you would still be a girl. And as for the dress,” Hook grinned and began unfastening the chain from the wall, “I think it looks simply adorable on you.” He laughed at Peter’s hate-filled glare. “Are you feeling sick still? Do you want more breakfast?”
“I’m fine,” Peter spat. Her stomach still gurgled uncertainly, and she didn’t want to upset it with food right now.
“Good,” Hook purred, pulling the girl to her feet. “If you’ll accompany me outside, I’d like to show everyone what a lovely lady you are.”
Peter planted her feet firmly and glared at Hook, knocking his hand away. “NO! I won’t be laughed at.”
Hook smirked and viciously yanked on the chain he was holding, the other end of which was still fastened to Peter’s ankle. The girl yelped as her leg was pulled out from under her and she landed hard on her rear. “You’ll either walk with me to the deck, or I’ll drag you. Which way do you think my men will find more amusing?”
Peter remained silent but climbed to her feet. Deliberately she made a show of dusting off her skirt and straightening her bow. “Let’s go then, Captain,” she said coldly. Hook gave a slight bow and offered her his arm, as is proper for a gentleman to do for a lady. Peter flushed and was about to suggest Hook could go someplace warm, but the man gave a warning tug on the chain. Peter bit back the comment and put her arm around his, distinctly uncomfortable with the fact she was touching Hook.
“Very good, Miss Pan,” Hook chuckled as he led his prisoner from the room. “I think our next lesson will be to teach you to curtsey properly.”
“I’m going to enjoy killing you, Captain,” Peter said, smiling. There was an odd gleam in the girl’s eyes which the man found extremely unsettling. He refrained from teasing her further just then, deciding to give her time to cool off. Hook knew well the dangers of a woman’s fury, and though she was yet a child, this girl was deadly. He had his severed hand to attest to that.