Chapter 11 – Deal With the Devil

 

      Peter’s latest lapse of consciousness didn’t last very long, but awakening from it was a slower-than-normal process.  She became aware when she was jostled by Mason, who took her from Hook as the captain disembarked from the longboat.  But though she was aware, she had no idea really of what was going on or even where she was.  She heard men’s voices, smelled the ship smells of salt and pitch, felt the large arms holding her, but she really didn’t care.  She was tired and sick at heart, and it was so nice to just not care.

      She was jostled again, and after a moment she realized she had been handed off to someone else.  Lethargically, she began to wonder who held her.  A strong arm beneath her rump supported her weight, holding her close to a large chest with her cheek resting against a shoulder.  She breathed and smelled a familiar scent, one that brought the first stirrings of alarm.  Peter opened her eyes to see the man’s white curls and realized where she was.  Wendy!  He’s got me!

      Hook felt the girl tense up and knew she was going to fight.  He barely had time to wrap his other arm around her before she began wriggling, trying to kick and push away.  She was hindered by the cloak that cocooned her, rendering her unable to use her arms very well, but she tried to get free anyway.  “Get still, Pan,” the man growled.  “You’ve tried my patience, and you really don’t want me to hurt you right now.”

      “Go ahead and hurt me,” Peter snapped bitterly.  “I don’t care!  Just put me down.”

      Hook shook his head.  “You’re not properly dressed, Pan.  If I’m carrying you, it’s less likely the cloak will fall open and expose you.”  And I don’t trust you not to bolt again.

      “Where’s my dress?” Peter asked, becoming aware that the fabric around her was too heavy to be her shift.

      “We thought you’d been injured.  Smee removed it so we could check,” Hook explained.

      Peter was quiet, too embarrassed at first to speak.  But she did quit struggling.  “I really don’t like that you’ve seen me naked so much.  I thought you were a gentleman.”

      Hook growled in irritation, but he didn’t answer.  Instead, he began carrying her back to her cabin.  Peter quickly realized where they were going, and felt a rush of panic.

      “I don’t want to go back to that awful room,” she told him, her voice petulant.

      “Trust me, Pan, it’s the safest place for you right now,” Hook growled without missing a step.  “I really don’t want to harm you, but you have a habit of goading me.  Right now I could easily strangle you to death, and I’m tempted sorely to do it.  Once I put you away, the urge to hurt you will pass – I think, though, I’ll have to chain you again.”

      Fine, I’ll just figure out how to escape again… but then she remembered what had happened to her on the shore, and why.  Peter turned her head, trying to look around.  “Where’s Wendy?”

      “On the island,” Hook snapped.  “The little wench broke her promise, so when I caught you I left her behind.”

      “What promise?  What did you do to her?”

      Hook opened the cabin door and strode inside, slamming it shut behind him.  “I did nothing to her; she’s unharmed and free to go about her business.”  Hook dropped Peter on the bed and tossed her the old shirt she’d been using as a nightgown.  “She promised to help me teach you how to be a proper lady and to do duty.  In exchange, she received room and board for the both of you, and my assurance that neither of you would be mistreated by me or my crew.  She needn’t have made the deal, I was going to do all of that anyway, but it helped me keep her obedient and gave her something to do, which made her feel better anyway.  But by helping you jump ship, she violated what trust I’d placed in her.  If I can’t trust her, then I neither want nor need her.”

      Peter frowned at the man, but she felt immense relief that Wendy was gone.  As much as she wanted the girl’s company and comfort, she didn’t want to have to worry about Hook using her friend against her.  And she didn’t want to fight with Wendy anymore over manners and proper behavior.  “Why are you really so interested in making me act like a lady?”

      Hook sat in a chair, propping his feet on the table as he grinned at her.  “For you to act like a proper young woman, you would have to become the antithesis of everything you were as the boy Peter Pan.  You are willful, cocky, disrespectful, filthy, crude, and completely useless.  As a proper young woman, you will be modest, obedient, quiet, patient, graceful, and helpful.  When I’m done with you, Peter Pan will be gone forever, and in his place will be a lovely young lady, a flawless diamond that I have cut and polished to perfection.”

      Peter laughed, the sound a snort of derision that grew into hysterical gales.  “Flawless…” she cackled, “lady… obedient?  Oh, Codfish, you’re certainly full of yourself!”

      Hook flushed scarlet, his rage boiling inside.  “Get dressed and give me my cloak, Pan,” he spat, “or I’ll leave you naked and chained down here again.”

      Peter sobered instantly, the apprehensive expression on her face giving the man some satisfaction.  She stood, clutching the cloak tightly around her.  “Turn around, Captain.”

      “I think I’ll keep my eye on you till we’ve got you properly caged again.  I committed a grievous error, Pan,” he said, smiling.  “I let myself underestimate you.  I keep relaxing my guard because you’re a girl, something I swore not to do.  You won’t escape me again, boy or girl.  Now get dressed.”

      Peter glared at Hook, trying to decide if she should admit a weakness to him.  She couldn’t escape, Gloriana had shown her that plainly enough, and the thought of telling Hook that was galling.  But if he believed her, then she might be able to convince him to not keep her chained up again.  As she opened her mouth to speak, tears welled up in her eyes once more and she felt her face flush with shame.  I will not cry in front of him anymore!  “Where will I go, Captain?” she asked quietly, the cold calm of her voice a dead contrast to the pain and grief in her heart.  “I can’t fly away, and if I swim ashore again, this damned collar will just paralyze me.  It left me lying there like a nice little present for you, didn’t it?  I bet you thought it was awfully funny, seeing me lying helpless at your feet!”

      So that’s what happened to you, Hook thought, realizing by the heat in her face and the shine in her eyes that she was telling the truth.  He’d known she was banished from the island, but he hadn’t realized such extreme measures had been taken to enforce her exile.  This made things a lot easier for him - and much more interesting in that it gave him extra leverage in dealing with her.  His face remained impassive as he turned over this information in his mind.  There’s literally no place she can go.  My ship is her cage, and I don’t have to do anything to keep her here.  If those pixies were my so-called godparents and they did this to me, I’d take a fly-swatter to them at the first opportunity!

       “You’d do well to remember that little lesson, Pan,” he said at last, playing along as if this were no surprise.  “You knew they’d banished you, what did you think would happen when you defied them?”  He smiled and sat up, leaning forward in his seat.  “And what will happen when they replace you?  Let’s assume you’ll survive the ordeal - they were upset when it killed you last time, I doubt they’ll let you die a second time if they can help it.  Where will you go?  Once they don’t need you, do you think they’ll let you remain in Neverland?”

      Peter once more considered her future, ignoring the heartache it brought her.  But she didn’t have to consider long:  she’d been thinking about the possibilities over the last few days, which was why she’d become so depressed.   “They’ll likely send me back to Kensington Gardens.  I lived there once, so I suppose I can do it again.  I’m remembering more of that time and the time before, but it’s hard to keep the memories.”

      “Were you pretending to be a boy when you lived there?”

      Peter nodded, remembering what she’d seen when Oberon had been poking around in her mind.  “I’m sure I knew I was a girl then, I hadn’t forgotten yet.  I was pretending that I was a boy.  But I don’t know why.”

      “Get dressed and we’ll discuss your rather limited options, girl,” Hook answered, his voice calm and serious.  Peter turned away and let the cloak drop, and Hook watched as she quickly pulled the large shirt over her head.  Once clothed, she took the other chair and faced him across the table, a light blush clinging to her cheeks. 

      “I got a good enough look at you on the shore, Miss Pan,” Hook told her gently, “to know that you’ve changed a great deal.  It will be much more difficult for you to hide those changes and pass as a boy again, but it can be done.”   He kept his voice calm, speaking to her as a confidant would.  She was alone now and had no one she could trust, and he wanted to garner that trust in her.  “You are going through a change called puberty, which all children must pass through to become adults, and there are many other changes your body will make.  If you go back to London, you might be able to hide your gender.  I’ve seen grown women pull it off quite well and pass as pirates on ships.  But it requires constant vigilance, and they’ve always been found out in the end.”

      “I don’t have to hide, I can go back as a girl,” Peter objected, but Hook interrupted her.

      “Odds, bobs, girl, NO!” he said fiercely, a genuine look of concern in his eyes.  And it was concern, he knew what city streets could be like, and he’d seen what creatures inhabited them.  “You look to be twelve or thirteen now.  A girl your age, homeless, friendless, begging on the streets?  Girls like you become prostitutes, by choice or otherwise, and it’s likely someone will rape and murder you within a year!  Most men you’d encounter on the streets of London are much worse that I am.  As much as I’ve hated you, I’d never rape you or tolerate any of my crew doing it.  The last thing you should do is go back there as a girl!”

      The urgency in the man’s voice and his rare sincerity made Peter take his words very seriously.  She knew the word ‘rape’, and it conjured images that made her nauseous.  “I’d rather die,” she whispered as she hugged herself.  “Look’s like I’m dead no matter what.  If Oberon doesn’t kill me, he’ll send me to the real world to let the humans do it.  I should just kill myself right now and get it over with.  It’ll serve those bugs right if I took Neverland away from them!”  Imagining the looks on her godparents’ faces as Neverland faded around them, contemplating how much they’d miss her when she was gone and the guilt they’d surely feel, all these thoughts gave her a perverse, bittersweet sense of pleasure.  But she knew suicide wasn’t an option.  It was contrary to her nature to just give up and take the cowardly way out.  No, she’d face her fate and make the best out of it.  She was nothing if not adaptable, that being the very trait that had made her Cory Pan’s heir.

      Hook knelt before the girl, offering her his kerchief.  Peter took it hesitantly, surprised by the traitor tears that had leaked from her eyes despite her efforts.  “You have another option.  As distasteful as it may be for you, surely you’d prefer it to death.”  He smiled at the interested, mildly desperate look Peter fixed on him.  “When they’ve finished using you and cast you aside, let me take you away from here.  You’re godfather has already offered to give you to me when he doesn’t need you anymore.”

      “Give me to you?” Peter whispered in horror.  “How could he?  He knows you want to kill me!  He knows we hate each other!” 

      “We don’t have to keep fighting each other, Pan,” Hook continued, his voice soft but urgent.  “I don’t have to kill you to end our dispute… I don’t want to kill you if there’s a better alternative.  I’ll give you a new life.  I’ll protect and provide for you, if you behave and obey me.  I’ll board you at the best of women’s schools, and with my sponsorship you’ll never lack for anything you desire.  I’ll even establish a dowry for you, to ensure you’re properly cared for.”

      “Why?” Peter answered bitterly.  “Is this a part of your plan to destroy Peter Pan?  To make me into your ‘flawless diamond’?”

      “I don’t have to destroy Peter Pan,” Hook answered calmly, “your godparents will.  I just want to pick up what’s left of you when you’re no longer Pan, and put the pieces back together.  You have so much potential, I want to make you into something beautiful.  Let me teach you and I’ll give you the world.”

      Peter tossed the damp handkerchief at him, the cloth hitting him in the face before falling to the floor.  “I don’t want the world!  I don’t care about dresses or school or dowry, or any of that!  I just want to be me!  I want to be free and…” she paused, her heart clenching painfully.  I can’t have that.  I let myself forget, but I remember now.

      Hook saw the pain in the girl’s eyes and the way one hand rose to cover her face while the other made a fist over her heart.  “And what?  What do you want?”  He suppressed a smile and put his hand on her knee.  “I’m the only one to ask you that, Pan, since your ordeal began.  What do you want?”

      Peter shuddered, trying to block out a voice she remembered from her dreams.  “I just want someone to love me,” she sobbed.  “They promised to love me, like a mommy and daddy would, but they lied!  Uncle was right!  No one will ever want me, I’m worthless.  A worthless whore!”  Hook tried to put his hand on her shoulder, to calm her down, but she knocked his hand away.  “I hate you!” she screamed, covering her face and turning away.  “You like watching me cry, you think it’s funny!”

      Uncle? Hook wondered as he backed away, giving the distraught girl more space.  Why would a man call a child, his own niece, a whore?  “I’ll be back shortly,” he promised, leaving the handkerchief on the table.  He left the cabin, locking the door behind him, intending to give Peter time to compose herself.  Damned weeping women! he thought in annoyance as he made his way to the kitchen.  I wish Pan was a boy right now, then I could enjoy watching him cry.

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      Peter was able to calm down once Hook had left.  She hastily wiped her face dry as she took several deep breaths.  I hate him!  I don’t like crying like a little girl in front of him, but just being near him makes it worse.  She paced the room for awhile, working off the nervous energy that had made her start trembling.  As she paced, she thought, her sharp mind working furiously.  She wasn’t used to making long term plans for the future, not having any reason to do so in Neverland.  She usually did such strategizing in short spurts, considering only the immediate future as she’d plan how best to pull off a prank or an adventure.  But now she forced herself to continue her deliberations past the immediate situation, weighing her options and the outcomes she could expect from each.  Hook’s option was the only one that she was likely to survive, and she had to debate whether she’s actually rather die first.  It was a tough decision.

      By the time the key rattled in the door again, Peter was once more sitting calmly at the table.  She even managed to give Hook a small smile when he walked in bearing a tray with food on it.

      “Here’s some water and a small shot of rum, if you think you need it,” the man said as he set the tray down.  “There’s some bread to help settle your stomach.  It’s after lunch-time and Cookson says you haven’t eaten all day, so if you’re still hungry after this I’ll have more food brought to you.”  He sat down and waited for Peter to take a drink of the water.  “Tell me about your uncle.”

      Peter paused, holding the bread she’d been about to bite into at her lips.  “Who?” she managed to ask after a moment.

      “You said your uncle called you a whore.  Why?”

      “I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, setting the bread down.  “I keep having dreams of the past, and when I’m really scared I see the memories too – like when I couldn’t move on the beach.  I remembered some things, things I don’t understand.  And this time I didn’t forget.”

      “What do you remember about your uncle?”

      Peter bit her lip, looking at Hook for a long moment as she considered what she should tell.  “I didn’t realize he was my uncle, not until you got me upset and it slipped out.  But when I said it I realized it was true.  He called me that a lot; I can hear him yelling it in my dreams.  I also remember a cane he carried, and that he hit me with it… he made me bleed.”  Absently, Peter picked at a loose thread on her shirt.  “I don’t like remembering, and I don’t like being alone in here when I do.” 

      She sighed and picked up the bread again.  “Which is why I want to make a compromise, Captain,” she said as she began to eat.  “Staying with you would be distasteful, but if I’m exiled then it’s probably my best option.”  She swallowed and took another drink of water.  “But I don’t want to be your ideal of a lady, and I think I’d rather die than become something that dull.  So I want to compromise:  I won’t cause any trouble, I’ll try to act like a girl, and I’ll follow your orders as a member of your crew.  You said that women have played pirate before, so I don’t see why I can’t too.”

      Hook grimaced as he listened to Peter.  “If you want to act like a crewman, then I’ll give you duties.  If you won’t be a lady, you can be a scullery maid.  But you will learn basic manners and etiquette, and you will use them in my presence.”  He reached out and pushed Peter’s jaw up, making her close her mouth.  “Start with this:  chew with your lips sealed, and don’t unseal them to speak until you’ve swallowed.”

      Peter took another bite and glared, but her mouth stayed shut while she ate.  What am I doing?  I can’t leave Neverland with Hook!  She didn’t really remember living in London, but she knew her nightmares recently had been about that time.  Hook had never frightened her as much as those nightmares had, and she’d rather take her chances with the pirates than go back there.  I guess I’ll stay with the devil I know.  He hasn’t been so bad lately, I can at least try.  I’ll know if it’ll be tolerable by the time they replace me, and I can choose then… if they even let me choose.  “Alright Captain, let me out of this room and don’t keep me chained.  I’ll follow your orders, I’ll try not to annoy you, and I’ll let you teach me what it means to be a lady.  But I won’t act like something I don’t want to be.”

      Hook nodded.  “That’s fair enough for now.”  It’s a start, and for now I’ll have her compliant and more receptive to me.  Once we’re away from here, she’ll do what I want, regardless.  I can bide my time and keep a lighter hand until then.  “Mr. Smee is drying your shift, and with the sun and wind today it should be dry in an hour.  Once you’re dressed, I’ll have him take you to the kitchen, where Cookson will tell you what duties he’ll have you do.  I imagine you’ll be washing dishes and peeling vegetables for the most part.  I will set you other duties, and Smee will explain them.  And you will stand to be fitted for a proper dress, which you will wear when I am teaching you.”

      “I’m sure I can learn without the dress…”

      “I’m not sure you can learn at all,” Hook snapped, a little harsher than he intended, “but you’ll attempt it in the dress.  Proper attire is part and parcel of being a proper lady, and every lesson will be a full dress rehearsal.”

      “No,” Peter insisted.  “I’m giving in enough as it is.  I don’t want a dress, its bad enough I have to wear the shift.  Why won’t you just let that go?”

      “I hold all the cards, Pan.  You have nothing, no one to help you and nowhere to go.  I’m negotiating with you to make you more compliant, but I can just leave you in here to rot.”  He saw Peter’s scowl deepen and knew that this was going to turn into a fight.  “If you want to resist me on this, I shall simply take you back to the island and leave you lying where I found you.  You were well below the high tide mark, if I recall.”  He waited patiently while Peter turned the scenario over in her mind.

      Unbidden, but powerfully strong, Peter had a vision of lying on the beach, remembering how helpless she’d been before.  She imagined that same sensation of being unable to move yet aware of her surroundings, and she added to that the feel of the waves breaking over her paralyzed body – creeping up her legs, to her waist, consuming her by slow inches as the tide came in until at last the waves covered her face, drowning her.  Despite herself, she began to shake.  “I really do hate you,” she whispered.

      “Will you comply?” Hook pressed.  He wanted her to trust him and he hated resorting to this tactic to make her surrender, but he’d rather keep her in line with fear than actual punishment.  I wouldn’t let her drown like that, but I’d leave her there long enough for her believe it.    

      “Yes,” Peter answered sullenly, looking away in shame.  “You win, for now.  But if you’re trying to convince me that staying with you is better than dying, you’re failing miserably.”

      Hook felt a faint stirring of alarm, but he suppressed it with a smile.  “I know you, Pan.  You’ll never surrender to death willingly.”  When the girl didn’t answer or look up at him, he stood.  “Someone will come for you later.  Finish your lunch.”  With that he left, already looking forward to the fun he was going to have with her.

      “You don’t know me anymore, Codfish,” Peter said quietly when he was gone.  “I did surrender to death, and I remember the light and love that was waiting for me.  Death doesn’t sound so frightening anymore.”  Then she shook her head, trying to clear away such defeatist thoughts.  She resumed eating, contemplating how best to get through the times ahead.  I won’t let you beat me, Hook.  I can play by your rules and still win this game.